10 MORE Stupid Things You Should Stop Doing On Twitter

 

 

Continued from Ten Stupid Things You Should Stop Doing On Twitter

 

11.  Twitter is not for porn

There’s no need to post porn on Twitter and there’s no need to RT porn on Twitter because ALL THE REST OF THE INTERNET!!!  Anyone who is old enough to be cool watching/seeing porn knows damn well how to look for it on the internet.  Tweeting or RTing porn is really just a sign that you’re old and out of touch, sorry, that’s all there really is to it.  And honestly, you should keep that weirdness to yourself.

 

12.  Manually RTing (and Quote Tweet)

Some people will disagree on this one (the explanation I’m usually given when I ask why is–because the person believes that their followers need some kind of explanation or contextualization–however, this really only explains the manual RTing of links etc. and wouldn’t explain anything for most tweets).  The only time “quoting a tweet” is fine is when someone has said something that will contextualize the hilarious/poignant thing you plan to tweet.  However, and this is a big one, if what you’re adding isn’t a joke or important message and is simply a reply to the original tweet, quoting it is just annoying because now all your followers have to see this tedious tweet.  There’s a reason you don’t always hit “reply all” on an email and a response to a tweet isn’t that much different; if it’s not a joke that could potentially stand on its own, don’t bother.

The reason Manually RTing a tweet is bullshit is twofold.  One, by manually RTing instead of just hitting that lovely little retweet button, what you’re doing (whether you mean to or not) is hijacking this person’s work to claim a little bit of the glory for yourself.  Though you’re not stealing or plagiarizing the tweet, you’re trying to ride the coattails of someone else (it’s a little bit like name dropping in a way, trying to elevate yourself on the shoulders of another).  Two, you’re essentially stopping the thread of RTing.  Nobody is going to want to retweet the joke with the stupid quotations marks and your even stupider addition to it and thus, the RTing cycle stops with you.  And even if, by some miracle, people do retweet your manual retweet, the original tweeter will never know and we’re back with reason one, you’ve hijacked their joke.  Don’t be a dick.  If you like someone’s tweet and want to pass it along to your followers (which I always encourage), simply hit the retweet button, nbd.

 

13.  Typing in front of the @

Now this one isn’t an all or nothing as sometimes, many times even, it’s totally kosher to type something in front of an @.  Good reasons for doing this are:  your response is hilarious, your response is really important, your response is interesting.  When you type in front of the @ sign, it means that now everyone who follows you (not just those who follow you and the person you @ed) will now see your tweet.  This can be great if, like I said above, your tweet is worth sharing.  However, long back and forth conversations, boring chit chat, etc. are not good reasons to bother doing this.  Generally speaking, have some humility and don’t assume that a conversation is so fucking interesting that everyone would want to read it (because let’s be honest, they most likely don’t).

 

14.  Tweeting about unfollowers (whether organically or through a third party bullshit service)

You know how it’s super embarassing and awkward to tell a total stranger about how you have no friends and everyone hates you?  This is just like that.  While I’m all for honesty and authenticity, certain things just don’t need to be talked about, ever.  Additionally, you have no idea why these people unfollowed you and let’s be real, talking about people not being interested in what you have to say is about as clear of an example as possible that they were right because you’re boring as fuck.  Don’t be a crybaby.  Either you care that they left (in which case keep that shit to yourself) or you don’t and then you wouldn’t bother tweeting this nonsense.  Plus, the people who do still follow you really don’t care so don’t alienate them too.

 

15.  Don’t click the DM links

You know how you think your account got hacked because now weird shit is being posted on your behalf?  Yeah, you didn’t.  You’re not important enough to be hacked, no one gives a shit.  You’ve been phished, and unless you’re brand new to the internet, this makes you an idiot.  No one is saying mean shit about you on their blog, and no one is passing around a photo of you.  Don’t click weird links, don’t click links from people you don’t know, and if you do click a link for goodness sake don’t enter important information.  And if you do fuck up and make this mistake, change your password.

 

16.  Don’t thank someone (or shout them out or #NF anyone) for following

I often follow a list of people, like 100 at a time (perhaps on a list called “Montreal Awesomeness” or something because I live in Montreal now so I’m all about the locals).  That being said, I may have read your bio, or a couple of tweets, but I didn’t sign on for a lifetime.  I’m a bit like that highschool teacher who gives you the speech about how everyone starts with an A and it’s up to you to keep it.  Meaning, just because I followed doesn’t mean I can’t just as easily unfollow and shouting me out or thanking me for following just makes me feel weird and pressured.  I didn’t follow you as a favor or to be nice (logical reasons to thank someone).  This is Twitter, and at its core is totally selfish.  I followed you for me, so let’s not make a big thing of it eh?  Don’t make this weird.

 

17.  Auto DM, Auto Follow, Auto Unfollow, Auto anything really

Auto anything is bullshit.  If you can’t do something on Twitter yourself, you shouldn’t be doing it.  It lacks effort, integrity, and interest.  Don’t be boring and annoying.  Stop this shit.

 

18.  Be Interesting (subtweeting, vague tweeting, boring tweeting)

If the subtweet can’t stand on its own as an interesting message or a funny joke, don’t bother.  If the name you’re using won’t be recognized by your followers (either as a joke name, like the way I often address a nonspecific Chad, or someone you often reference), don’t bother.  If the tweet is something obvious like good people are good and respect women and I suck at tweeting, don’t bother.  If the tweet would fit more accurately in a your daily log of activities, went to the gymmom made dinnerso tired gotta shower, don’t fucking bother.

 

19.  Checking in to anything (foursquare, yelp, getglue, etc.)

Nobody cares where you are, are eating, are watching, etc.  And, if they do care, they’ll follow you on those specific apps themselves.  If you’re worried people don’t know you exist on these other platforms, a tweet once a month or every two months, just so they know, is fine I guess.

 

20.  Instagram on Twitter

Look, I know, I hate it too, how Twitter/Instagram severed the ability to find people via the app when Facebook bought them.  But, that doesn’t mean you need to post 5 pics in a row on your Twitter feed.  One link to instagram, every so often, when it’s a really good pic or (even better) a really great caption, is fine.  But more than one link in a row is annoying, if I wanted to see your pics, the first link would’ve already had me clicking follow (particularly now that you can follow etc. via a webpage and not just on your phone).

 

Disagree with any of these?  I’d love to hear about it in the comments (but make sure you offer up some *logic* on why I’m wrong and you’re right).  Have any more to add?  

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Victoria Young

Writer. Dater. Masturbator. Don't worry my parents don't think I'm funny either. Grad Student. My breasts aren't ashamed of me either. You and me kid, we're going to change this world.