A Series of Unfortunate Events in Dating (Part Two)


Continued from A Series of Unfortunate Events in Dating:  Part One

And then another bomb exploded.  As soon as I was home from my calm-myself-listening-to-good-music-too-loud-and-relax-type drive there it was.  On my Twitter.  A retweet from his ex.  Something about possibly having a girl crush on me after having read my latest post Looks A Bit Jizzy If You Ask Me or The New Thing I Learned.  And of course she was exaggerating, she even stated something akin to that.  And to be honest, in theory this was an awesome amazing thing.  Who doesn’t want someone to enjoy their writing so much?  But the ex of a guy you’ve just met reading your posts more frequently than your in real life friends what a bunch of assholes they are eh?  well that’s just um…uncomfortable?  tainted?  creepy?  unpleasant?  any of the above and obviously only as it relates to me.  For him.  For her.  For the rest of the world this would be irrelevant.  But for as to how I felt.  Kaboom.  Not good.


I waited till the next morning.  Which I personally think shows restraint 😛  And I texted him:


She tweeted me last night…



[the ex] tweeted me last night…so it would

be great if I knew what you told her.

Girl Crush?  Nothing I told her would 

produce that.  That’s all you!


(It’s like he thought I’d be pleased with this but 

all I could think was SPIT IT THE FUCK OUT 


Urgh…a straight answer would be really 

appreciated right now.  I just need to know what 

she knows about me.

Nothing.  Just that we went out twice. No

other details.


Yes but what I’m trying to find out is…is “we”

a.  You and some random chick?

b.  You and SSDated?

c.  You and a girl named [my real name]?

d.  You and SSDated, who’s real name is [real name]?

Just SSDated.  Holy Paranoid.


(Really??  Don’t poke the bear by calling it

paranoid, just sayin’.  Ugh.  Idiot.)

Yeah well I did ask you not to tell anyone, generally 

and her specifically…and the funniest part…I’m prob

the world’s most unsecretive-open-person and that

may have been one of the only things I’ve ever asked

anyone to keep to themselves…like ever.

Sorry.  I want to remain honest with

my ex.


*red flag* (Why didn’t he just tell her he went on

a date, knowing who he’s dating is not normal tell

your ex kind of information)

I get that (the honesty part not the giving of my

information part) …however, it wasn’t your info

to give.

It’s not going anywhere.


What’s not going anywhere?

The information



I said ok but it really wasn’t.  I was pissed.  I was irritated.  I was losing interest.  And I know what you’re probably thinking.  Why does she even have any interest at all…this dude sounds like a tool…or at least in how he’s acting towards her.  But the truth is there were definite positive things.  When at the ballgame and while talking about tweets it was mentioned that he did in fact keep up with what I was tweeting.  I had been concerned because in our over-covertness we didn’t tweet each other at all anymore and hadn’t that been a huge part of why I’d thought it would be a good idea to date someone from Twitter to begin with???  And that’s when he casually mentioned that he read my tweets each night.  Right when getting into bed he pull my feed up on his phone and go through the entire day.  Playing a game of catch up.  Keeping tabs on what I was saying.  Staying informed.  As one should, when dating on Twitter.

Plus there was still the occasional punny banter.  Plus we’d had fun on our dates regardless of other things in between…I think.  I think?  Yeah…I think we did.  Plus he was tall.  Plus he was educated.  Plus to be honest, it seemed like these bombs of unfortunate events really were just bad luck.  Bad timing.  Things misunderstood.  Or things interpreted.  Or whatever else you tell yourself when things should be fun and breezy and nothing but happy happy happy in the first few weeks and yet somehow here you are…still along for the ride…even though you’ve already hit numerous road-bumps on this supposedly fun journey.


*kaboom* he can’t keep a secret.


*kablam*  too much ex talk way way too soon

*kerplow* constant judgment by him about me

*kabuuuuuushh* lack of empathy for how things might affect me


*fizzle*  no  first kiss yet?? wtf?

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Victoria Young

Writer. Dater. Masturbator. Stop ruining my jokes by believing the self-deprecation. I am far greater than your boner will ever know.