So I know I can be harsh. And my love of themes can give the wrong impression. I thought this might happen with the post about how Until I’m the Biggest Loser I’ll Have to Settle for the Biggest Losers. And I think it kinda did.
Sometimes. Wait. Scratch that. Most of the time. It’s hard to get your exact point, your tone, the precise meaning, across the interweb. It’s kind of like when someone asks you to define the difference between Awesome and Rad. I mean. Where do you even start. But I digress.
Sometimes I forget that you, my blog readers, aren’t my friends in everyday life. You don’t know what I’ve been through. You don’t know what my life is like. You don’t know where I’m coming from. And while a hurdle, this isn’t usually that big of a roadblock. But. Well. I hate to be misunderstood. Specificity has no bigger supporter than me. Vague is no friend of mine. So because the last post was already pretty long and fumbled…here is an “attempted” point form list of some of the clarifications I’d like to make. Some are in response to comments left (which PSizzle were awesome and thank you so much for both your support and bringing up new points or things I needed to clarify…I heart you!) and others are just things I think are important. For clarity’s sake.
1. Audience. The post was about me. Not women in general.
2. Location. Vancouver IS very different than Toronto and London (New York, LA). Christ, it’s even completely different than Seattle (it’s closest major american city for ya’ll that don’t know). Vancouver is small. Vancouver is characterized by health, exercise, affluence, nature, etc. (for reference all wonderful things). In Atlanta they love me, New Orleans same thing. Seattle is golden and Florida is a kingdom of ripe fruit (for my pickin’). I stress, Vancouver is very different. And even if it wasn’t for the characterizations as mentioned above…the simple size of Vancouver works against my me. There’s a reason I use plentyoffish.com. It’s not because the site is awesome. It’s because it’s the only one that has a decent amount of local people on it. Every other website can’t seem to get the same draw.
3. Pulling. I’ve pulled hotties. I’ve pulled notties. I’ve pulled averages. I’ve pulled nice guys. I’ve pulled pro-football players (yes, plural). I’ve pulled regular joes. I’ve pulled hard-workers. I’ve pulled military guys (in more than one country). I’ve pulled a UFC fighter (not to be confused with MMA guy). I’ve pulled a bouncer, a promoter, a Chef. I’ve pulled Canadians, Americans, Eurpoeans, Africans, Latin Americans. I’ve pulled a fireman, a DJ, a Graphic Designer. The list goes on.
But you know who I’ve never pulled.
Example. The first date I went on with someone off of plentyoffish.com was Barbie. He was a bartender. He had the double shirt. He had…an 8 pack. I mean seriously, like fucking steel. He was definitely a pretty boy. But. Dumb as bricks. I mean honestly, borderline retarded. Super nice guy. Really sweet. Absolutely no filter. Conversation was insane. And not in a good way.
4. The “Like Us For Who We Are.” Maybe it’s a difference between girls who feel they shouldn’t have to be made to feel less for not being a stick figure and girls like me, obese. But I call bullshit. Because I don’t want a guy to like me for being obese like that’s some indication of who I am. That is most definitely NOT who I am. It’s a flaw. Something to overcome. I am not the cheeseburger I ate when stressed for exams. I am not the blubber it turned into. I AM the person who sometimes lacks the ability to appropriately deal with stress. But that’s not something I would want to be dated for. I’d want to be liked in spite of that. Plus trying to deny how important sexual attraction is a counterintuitive action much like the actions that made a world in which a book called “he’s just not that into you” even needs to be published. I’m just sayin’ people.
5. Health. To be clear, I am not trying to get model thin. I won’t be using diet supplements (or anything else that even has the possible potential to damage my brain, body, etc.). I am losing weight to be healthy. Plain and simple. People are attracted to health.
6. Matching. Though I get shy on first dates, at the beginning of parties, and speaking aloud in class (Christ! I don’t drink…can you really blame me?). I have a great deal of confidence. Sure I’m normal. There are moments, days, the occasional week when self-esteem takes a hit. But usually. I think I’m pretty awesome. Sometimes that might be obnoxious. Mostly I think it’s just great. I mean. Join the party everybody. You should think you’re pretty awesome too. And if you don’t, well either the problem is something you can change…in which case go right ahead and become more awesome. Or the problem is just a thinking thing, in which case…go right ahead and just start recognizing your awesomeness.
But here’s the thing of the thing.
I don’t think my body matches my self-esteem. I can garauntee you, if I was not obese. I’d be talking to the fellas. I’d be flirting on beaches and coffee shops. I’d be approaching in bars and lounges. I’d be making buddies with the guys in the next row at the concert. But I don’t. Because I don’t want to be the granade in the scenario. And I know (generalization sorry boys) that they’re not thinking…awesome maybe instead of letting me touch her perky tits and cup her firm ass, she’ll talk about books, and travelling and ask me questions about science. So I smile. And I’m nice and friendly. But I hang back. I don’t lead the pack. And I just want to make my body match my stride. Which would be at the front of the pack, saying….Haaaaaave you met Cindy?
7. Bodies. For reference ladies…I think we’re all freaking beautiful! Go on with your bad selves. Big boobs? rock ’em. Gorgeous smile? flash it. Amazon tall? God your amazing and you damn well better show it off! Batt those lashes. Sway those hips. Point those sexy toes. Flat stomach? midriff it. Juicy thighs? Wear those tiny shorts! I’m saying….perhaps the saying goes for you too…it’s time to get balls out! There’s no need to be a carbon copy of Jennifer Aniston. And my weightloss will be nothing even slightly headed in that direction. I am not a size 8 trying to get to a size 4. I am size don’t-want-to-die-at-50 trying to get to a buys-clothes-at-a-regular-store. Jus sayin’
And in that spirit. Here is a little spoken word. About Boobs. Since as women I don’t think we’re ever more self-concious whether they’re huge, small, different, somewhere in between.
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