So I ask. I clarify. I mean. There’s a difference I say. Between thinking I’m attractive and being attracted to me. Lightbulb moment. He looks relieved. Likes that’s it. Finally got it all figured out. And I’m thinking. Fuck. Me. He’s not attracted to me? What. The. Fuck. Obviously I don’t say this. Because I’m Nonchalant Nancy. I’m Okay-with-everything Odette. Everything is always Breezy with Betty. At the time we kind of just carry on. Like okay. We’ve established the correct definitions for these words attractive and attracted to. So it all makes sense now. Only. Wait. Didn’t we make out like two dates ago? So obviously we’re not totally at the root of the issue.
So I’m balls to the wall again.. I just opened my mouth and asked. What. Is the deal? And his response was…
Okay wait. Detour. I don’t know why I always feel the need to protect some of the “somethings” but I do. And this is another example. Because what he said. Well. Not super suave. Not super on point. Kind of a little. Er. Um. Weird. But I know why he said it. The point was more about the feelings. Than the words he used. So while I know this all about to break your little precious hearts. The hearts that swooned with me when he and I had our big makeout sesh. Try not to be too hard on him. Because as you’ll see soon enough. It might hurt his feelings. So like I was saying. His response was. Something along the line of. Er…um…I don’t love you. And my ego. Is obliterated.
Only. Wait. What? I mean. Wait huh? Like obviously he doesn’t love me. I mean. I sure as fuck don’t love him. Truth be told I barely know if I like him. I mean. Shit. We barely know each other. Like come the fuck on bridget! And while I sit there trying to look like Nonchalant Nancy on the outside. While I’m confused and frustrated Carly-Francine on the inside. He continues. Tries to explain it. And I won’t really get into it. Mostly because it’s been a week now as I write this. And it’s all I can do to remember the gist and order of the conversation. Let alone the actual words. Though the I don’t love you was pretty easy to recall lol. But the gist of it is this. He was married. For a good while. It did not end well. He is not over it. Sure he’s not in love anymore. But that’s peanuts. That’s nothing compared to all the other shit that happens when things go south in a relationship. And sure it’s been a year. Since they ended things. But it’s not like he spent the year healing. It was an angry year. Honestly I still think it is a bit. He needs time. And honestly. Some counselling might help. I mean shit. I talked to someone after Mega Love and I split. Back in October. When I needed to be focused on school and not him. I still remember describing my feelings as big angry red hands (possibly around his neck lol!). And I mean honestly. We were a pretty amicable split by comparison. And look at me now. Life is peachy. Just Sayin’.
So I think I’m getting a bit off topic here. Because what’s important isn’t really his plan of action. How he’s going to get his shit handled. So I should say. I was actually taking this pretty well. I mean hearing that someone isn’t attracted to you. That the guy you’ve been dating. Or thought you’ve been dating. Have we been friending? Suddenly pulls a quick bait and switch. Suddenly there is no sex is your future. At least not with him. I mean that’s kind of sucky news. And I was all smiles. Like no big thing. I’m breezy, remember? Everything is light and carefree. Peachy. Relaxed. Calm.
So we talk for awhile. I get to find out all kinds of fun things. Like whether or not I look like my pictures (something I would never normally ask). Good. You look better than most of your pictures. Except that one with the aqua jacket and teal background. (which I didn’t clarify but I hope he meant I look exactly like and not that I look worse lol). Hubba Hubba he says. He has noticed how much weight I’ve lost just since meeting him. Which was something I’d been wondering. Like was it noticeable. Did he notice?
But even with all this chatter. Which is fun. I’m wondering. Like. If you’re not attracted to me. If everytime you see the curve of my hip and the crease of my cleave you’re not thinking of all the saucy things you want to do to me. Why have we been hanging out this much. Like 7 dates. Seriously? But wait. Because. Didn’t he once say. Specifically. That there were all kinds of things he wanted to do to me…er…um…with me. And I guess. It seems. Like he just thinks I’m awesome. And best guess. Doesn’t want to lose me as a friend. So like. Are we friends then? Like is that what we’re doing?
And within moments. I take us from definitions to definitelys. Because I’m like that. I compartmentalize. And if you no longer fit in the boy-I’m-dating box. I guess I have to shuffle you on over to that friend side. Which bee tee dub. Is occupied solely by chicks. But we’ll talk more about this later. And I know what you’re thinking. Just because he’s a friend now…but I’ll stop you right there. Because we can’t go back from here. I blurted too quickly. Or maybe not. But either way. This is the path we’re on. The friendship path. And the dating path has been closed for renovations. I mean really. More like demolitions.
So…I’m not sure if I should tell you. But. Er. Um. I guess since we’re friends now. So…I have this blog.
And that was it folks. Definite. Cannot go back. The moment that all rules went out the window. The never-tell-them-about-the-blog rule. The datey-no-facebookey rule. All the rules. Right out the window. Which is fine. I guess. I think. Maybe. I mean we’ll see. But we definitely can’t go back now. And so I sat there. And looked at his face. And waited. To see his reaction. To this news. That he was a celebrity. When it came to being a “something” which I had dated.
To Be Continued…
Vancouver Dating Blog: Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One “Something” at a Time
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