Dear Boys, It’s Time To Get Balls Out

Eating cotton candy

Disclaimer:  This post is harsh and judgmental.  It is a stereotypical characterization and by no means accurately describes all men who take part in online dating.  There are just as many loser girls as there are losers guys taking part in online dating (though I’m obviously not one *straight face dead pan*).  This post specifically lacks understanding and compassion for men just looking for fun and dating as their balls should be bigger and my empathy less.

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Dear Boys of Online Dating,

Where are your balls?  Your man locketts?  Your pride hangers?  Your confidence knockers?  Your “go out and get ’em” sacks?  Your girl-wrangling slingshot?
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So we all know I’ve lamented and lamented about the pansy-ass-ness that is “the boys of online dating” and I tell you I finally had that aha! moment…I figured it all out.The follow-through-boys are NOT ONLINE. They’re outside. In restaurants. In pubs. Bars. Parks. Beaches. Vegas. Mexico. Picking up chicks. On the street. Live and in person. Talking to girls. Getting numbers. Sometimes calling. Sometimes not. But they’re doing shit. Making shit happen. In real life.  They’ve grabbed their pair and it’s good.  Ohhhh, it’s good.  They don’t make excuses.  They get laid.  It all seems so simple.  Which they often are.  But that’s irrelevant.  Because in their simplicity.  They are making moves.  Making shit happen.  Balls to the wall.

Now, boys.  I realize you don’t all love me.  I’m a niche body type.  I get it.  But some of you do like me.  So this letter is to you few.  It’s time to get Balls Out boys.  It’s time for you to make shit happen.  You want to call me?  Ask for my number.  Right away.  You want to date me?  Tell me when and where.  Now I’m not retarded.  I won’t bail on my plans for you.  I won’t always come when you beckon.  But if option one doesn’t work.  Suggest option two.  It’s pretty much child’s play.  Make Shit Happen.  It’s time to get balls out boys.  Balls to the wall.

Make Shit Happen.  Balls Out Boys.  And I’ll Be Putty In Your Hands.

Yours Truly,
Judgey Wudgey
aka Something She Dated
aka Your Girl of Summer
aka That Girl in the Coffee Shop 2 Tables Over

Vancouver Dating Blog:  Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One “Something” at a Time

The Voice of Reason

Dating

[dropcap]We[/dropcap] all have them.  They’re uncomfortable and limiting.  They make us operate unnaturally.  They’re a thorn in our sides.  A pebble in our shoe.  Frankly, they’re a bitch.  And apparently they might just be totally ridiculous.

So my voice.  It’s kinda deep.  At least I’ve always thought so.  So much so that when I answer a phone I change it.  It’s softer and higher pitched.  And if you’re a stranger or a boy it’s likely to stay that way.  For a little while.  If you’re my friend though, suddenly we’re back to normal.

Back in the day when we were teenagers calling 669-Guys (yeah…it’s a Vancouver thing…but don’t act like you didn’t do the same thing in your town)…it was always soft and what I thought was lady-like as I said, “Hi my name is *middle name, I’m 18 (we were 13) and I like…”

When people would call our house, they always thought I was my mom (partly because we answer the phone the same way…who else do you learn this stuff from) and partly because by changing it I sounded a lot more grown up.

But neither of those voices were mine.  They were the voices I was pretending to be.  I already had enough issues with being plump I certainly didn’t need my voice to be thought of as manly or deep or whatever.  So I changed it.  Everytime I talked to a boy.  Everytime I answered the phone.  Everytime I went to a party (though no lie after awhile you just forget).  Everytime I had a job interview.  Everytime I gave a shit.  But here’s the thing of the thing…it might have all been for naught.

Sidebar:  I say might because you know me and science.  The sample size that I’m working with isn’t large enough to draw any causational conclusions.

So the last two guys I’ve gone out with, Intelligence Officer and Twitter Guy, have both made comments about my voice.  Specific comments.  Not asked and answered kind of comments.  But out of the blue.  Of their own volition kinda comments.

“You have a really sexy voice”  Seriously? I ask stumped.

And I know I know.  Guys everywhere who give compliments to awkward girls who don’t know how to take them are cringing.  Along with all the girls everywhere who do know how to take them.  And quite honestly I’m neither.  I’m awkward like that.

But this isn’t like when guys say, “you have nice lips” “you have nice boobs” “you’re a good kisser” “you’re funny” “you’re fucking brilliant” (okay maybe that last one doesn’t happen all the time…but I know they must be thinking it).  Because those I believe.  I mean maybe they’re bullshitting me.  But one, I don’t really have major doubting insecurities about those things and two, enough people have said them that I’m like yeah, no sweat.

But the voice.  That’s different.  I can’t think of any specific incident where someone made fun of my voice as a kid that would have caused this complex.  Though a girl in highschool used to joke (she was a friend) that I spoke in monotones a lot…but frankly I think that had more to do with bored-in-a-small-town-that-I’m-soooo*eye roll*-way-too-cool-for-obnoxious-teenage-snobbery than it did with my voice tone but who knows.  But I digress because regardless of how the insecurity started I have/had it.

And the funniest thing is.  With both boys.  I didn’t do the voice thing.  I just.  Was normal with them.

Sample Subject #1:  When I talked to Intelligence Officer on the phone the first time.  I simplly didn’t bother.  Frankly I had been pissed and wasn’t even sure we would be hanging out.  So I really didn’t bother.  And immediately after the conversation…there I was getting text after text about how hot and sexy my voice is.  Could it just have been about flattery and buttering me up?  Certainly.  But even so, he could have chosen any attribute.  Eyes, hair, lips, boobs, laugh, etc.

Sample Subject #2:  When I met Twitter Guy it was straight up normal voice.  Maybe it was forethought.  Maybe I was just nervous and forgot to bother.  I’m awkward like that.  Maybe it’s because unlike other dates we were sort of at a TMI situation with each other to begin with so I didn’t feel as much of a need to hide things.  Whatever it was.  I was just.  Normal.  Me.  Me.  Normally.  And towards the end of the date.  Out came those truly unexpected words, “You have a really sexy voice.”  and again I’m thinking Seriously?  awesome.  weird.  but awesome.  I didn’t say awesome like I should have.  Or even returned the volley with a compliment of my own.  I got all weird and awkward, said something about being self-conscious about it and carried on the merry way.

So there ya go though.  Two boys.  Two completely unsolicited compliments.  Two novel situations in which to be given the compliment.  So I say to girls (and boys) everywhere, perhaps our insecurities might not be such liabilities at all.  Frankly, they might even be assets.

I’ll keep you posted on the Voice front as more test subjects sign up for the experiment.  But either way I’m calling the score.

And it’s REAL VOICE with the win!

Signed (because I want you to actually here the word signed in your head as you read this)

Yours Truly,

Something She Dated

 

Vancouver Dating Blog:  Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One “Something” at a Time (or simultaneously)

Fan of the White Lie Or “Stop! You’re Ruining It

Uncertainty in Dating

[dropcap]G[/dropcap]irls across the interweb claim to want honesty.  I am not one of those girls.  Boys across the interweb also claim to want honesty.  I am not one of those boys, though I’m kind of hoping you already knew that…wha

This is my summer of fun.  The summer of boys.  And I like a good charade.  Allow me to explain.t with all my references to “hot boobs” and this being Something SHE Dated.  And the thing is I’m sure most of them want it.  And in some situations I might want it too.  But not now.

There’s no need to make up your life story.  I mean that’s just psychotic.  But the white lie.  She’s a friend.  Use her.  Utilize her.  Make her work for her money.  I’m just sayin’.  The white lie.  She’s a beauty.

So you’re out on the town with a friend…and she asks how her outfit looks…it does not look good.  You should:

A.  White lie…tell her it looks fabulous
B.  Tell her the truth…real gentle like
C.  Scream and run

The correct answer is A.  Now before you get all “girl…she needs to know the truth” on me, let me explain.  Sure enough you want to protect your friends from embarassing themselves etc.  But here’s the thing of the thing…you’re already out.  If she had asked you while back at her house with a closet full of clothes to change into then damn well lay it out for her.  But she didn’t.  You’re out.  And about.  Fucking white lie your ass off.  Go ahead and paint those damn roses red.

This same concept is transferable to dating life.  Watch and learn boys.  Take notes.

I recently had some “fun” and much akin to the stupidity of boys there was a point where clearly…he was hoping things would be…unprotected.  The appropriate response from me was:

A. Gross, boy slag!  point, laugh and run
B. No…you might be sleeping with other people

Now at this point…some chicks might want to know whether or not he was in fact sleeping with other people. Me…not so much. We’re using protection.  No question.  So I don’t need to know.  I don’t want to know about the competition. Frankly I dont really care.  About him that is.  I mean I care in general like the same way I hope everybody in the world is happy and has nice lives.  But we know what it is between us.  And that’s all good with us.  His response to this should have been:

A.  You’re so hot! or something akin to this
B.  Yeah…true.
C.  Okay…but I’m not sleeping with anyone else.

You’re going to be shocked.  I can just feel it.  But the correct answer is white lie A. or C.  Either would have worked, either would have been sufficient.  Would I have believed it?  Not a chance…but that’s not really the point.

His response for reference was, “yeah, true.” And in the words of the writer’s of SATC, “like putting ketchup on steak…STOP!! YOU’RE RUINING IT!!!”

Now I can’t claim that other girls everywhere really want this kind of dating white washing.  But I do.  So when in doubt.  Just ask.  Because I’ll tell you straight up.  If you ask me whether or not I want the truth or the sugar coating…I’m going to answer simply and directly.  I want to be covered in candy.  I want to roll around in candy corn.  I want to stretch and pull like taffy.  I want to be covered in a blanket of icing sugar.  I want to wrap myself in cotton candy.  Wait?  What were we talking about again?  Oh yeah, Candy Coat Me Baby!!!

Now ask me again as my blog readers…and the answer will be completely different.  From you, dear readers, I want the truth.  Tell me if my outfit looks bad.  Tell me if I’m actin’ crazy.  Turn the lights on for me.  I might not follow your advice…but at the very least I’ll absorb it.

 

Vancouver Dating Blog:  Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One “Something” at a Time

Bad Dating Profiles: Spotlight on “The Man’s Man”

Head Desk

This week, is a little different.  Instead of a Bad Dating Profile, I’ll be featuring the kind of stuff that I wish I was seeing out there–but am not.  And with that, here goes…

I.  Am a lover of themes.  It’s why I love Disneyland.  It’s why I’m practically Obsessed with Vegas (aka Disneyland for adults).  It’s simply who I am.  I like the connectedness.  The hilarity.  The relevance.  So in that spirit, this week’s Bad Dating Profiles, is a depiction of one of 27 adult personality traits offered in the ever so interesting book Writer’s Guide to Character Traits.  And just on the tiny miniscule off-chance it isn’t ragingly obvious…the theme that ties this in is my personal search to find and date, the “Man’s Man” as mentioned specifically in the previous post.

“For reference. I want a man’s man. A guy’s guy. A lumberjack. An MMA fighter (more on this later). Agression (without the violence). Take charge. Take control. Hairy chests and hyper-masculinity. Build a house. Fix your car. Pitch a tent. You have my number, grow a pair and call me. Where should we meet, “nevermind” he says, “I’ll pick something and let you know.” “Good time to call?” doesn’t matter, don’t be afraid of a voicemail. DO something. Do SOMETHING. Team sports and wolfpack guy friends. Sex Sex Sex, my tits, my tits, my lips. Good stance. Strong stance. Confident and looming. Balls of steel and decisiveness. Take me. Take me. Take me.”  An excerpt from  Dear Boys, Please Know Your Audience

(FYI, it’s pure coincidence that I found this personality type labeled “Man’s Man.” I was browsing for something interesting and just happen to stumble upon it this morning.)

The Man’s Man

The Man’s Man appears one-dimensional because only certain qualities are allowed to emerge.  The counterpart to the Man’s Man is the Ultra-Feminine.

Internal
– Exaggeratedly masculine
– Coarse; demanding and hard
– Fearful of weakness
– Secretive of any powerlessness or impotence
– Adventurous and aggressive
– Worldly and sexually experienced
– Ambitious; needs to win
– Compulsively masculine with no desire to change

Interpersonal
– Lacks individuality and originality
– Emphasizes male interests; likes traditional male pursuits
– Is inflexcible about masculinity
– Responds to trouble with aggression
– Is likely to have rocky relationships with women; may look for Ultra-Feminine woman

Normal –> Extreme
– Masculinity –> being one-dimensional

Masculinity comes first, before tending to emotional needs or family occasions.  The Man’s Man loves sports, guns and physical activity of all sorts, regardless of his aptitude.  Any relationship that requires much attention will be in jeopardy because he is out being adventurous and aggressive.  A Man’s Man can work in many fields, as long as they allow time for his real passions; however, bold, risky, careers such as racecar driving would be extremely satisfying.

Examples of this elusive “Man’s Man” include Chuck Norris, the Dos Equis Man and My Future Dates, to name a few.  For a further depiction of what it truly means to be a “Man’s Man” please read this brilliant post entitled, “A Man’s Man: The Guide to Being a Manly Man” by Amputatoes as it changed my world.  Seriously.

World Changed.

*Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One Something at a Time*

 

Works Cited:  Edelstein, Linda N. Writer’s Guide to Character Traits. 2nd ed. Cincinnati: Writer’s Digest, 2006. Print.

Dear Boys, Please Know Your Audience

Head Desk
Now I’m certainly not one to judge. 
Oh quit laughing and get up off the floor I’m being serious. 
C’mon now. Please. Just Listen. No I don’t always. 
Oh shut up…fine…so I’m always the first one to judge.

I often wonder what impression people get from me. Especially online people, plentyoffish people, blog reading people. I pride myself on being mostly real, pretty honest, generally upfront. The mostly, pretty and generally descriptors leave room for things like job interviews etc. when “of course, working here would fulfill all my passions and allow me to help people….etc.etc.etc.” and things of that nature. But on here. In this blog. On my dating profile. I’m trying to convey the most authentic version of myself. Which may or may not be happening successfully.

OkCupid is a good example of this NOT being successful. The first message I got was from a guy with a foot fetish who thought I might be into his 5’5ness and began to woo me with things like, “I would love you to sit on my face” ick! Delete! I mean, no judgement. I’m sure there’s a tiny tot somewhere that would love these words of romance, but at 5’7 with a thing for tall guys, I’m thinking no go.

The second message…and oh for those of you wondering, these are the ONLY 2 messages I’ve gotten on OKCupid (I blame the sample size and the fact that it’s an American website vastly less popular here than POF), went like this…

Subject : at ur feet

I am 25 years old, I live in Van, I would love to spoil you and serve you. Everything I do it will be for your happiness. I am submissive, I will listen to you and always pay attention to little details that will make you even more happy. You will love to be in charge and together we will explore that side of you. This is not about sex at all, it’s actually all about love and worship you as Goddess. I am very loyal and romantic .From cleaning the house, doing the laundry, rubbing your feet, pampering you and just do as I am told. I want to serve only you and be only your slave, owned and collared and bossed around just by YOU! I have msn, facebook, webcam and I am local. I am not copying and pasting this message, I actually wrote it because I really like your profile.

your pet

 

The thing about me and judgement is…I’m incredibly quick to do it. But. I’m just as quick to see another side, etc. and change my opinion. This however, never gets that far so really…I just…I mean…Come The Fuck On Bridget** you can’t possibly be serious. First, uh…gross and creepy much? But most importantly, second, do I seem like a chick that could possibly, even in a million years, be into that? NO! Clearly I’m not conveying my message very well. Or perhaps these boys just severely lack the ability to know their audience. That’s right…boys…I beg you…Know Your Audience.

For reference. I want a man’s man. A guy’s guy. A lumberjack. An MMA fighter (more on this later). Agression (without the violence). Take charge. Take control. Hairy chests and hyper-masculinity. Build a house.  Fix your car.  Pitch a tent.  You have my number, grow a pair and call me. Where should we meet, “nevermind” he says, “I’ll pick something and let you know.” “Good time to call?” doesn’t matter, don’t be afraid of a voicemail.  DO something.  Do SOMETHING.  Team sports and wolfpack guy friends. Sex Sex Sex, my tits, my tits, my lips. Good stance. Strong stance. Confident and looming. Balls of steel and decisiveness. Take me. Take me. Take me.

Now before everybody gets all amped up (like he should be), please remember (or take a gander at) what I said about The Boys of Summer. And don’t get me wrong, I know that the funny(?) jokes of my profile don’t necessarily scream I. WANT. ME. CAVEMAN! but surely they should ward off the ultra-feminine-metro-sexual-submissive-fetishists that OKCupid is supplying me, eh? yes? no?

 

 

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Dear boys,

Please, my dear dear boys, I beg of you.  Know your audience.  Because when you don’t.  I’m judging you.

Yours Truly,

Judgy Wudgy Was A Bear

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** (click the words to see video representation of my favorite saying and go to minute 3:52)

 

Vancouver Dating Blog:  Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One “Something” at a Time

Bad Dating Profiles: They Call Me Chubby Bunny

Dating
So it’s 11:44pm on Sunday night and dammit I’m at risk for missing my Sunday Profile post completely.  And the post I had planned…still isn’t quite ready (I know right! you can hardly stand the suspense but I swear it’s worth it!).  So what’s a girl to do?  Thank my earlier self for preparing a funny “just in caser.”  And I did.  And here it is.  My personal bad dating profile.  Check it.
Motto: “As Much Fun as a Tank of Helium and a Video Camera”

I’m a: Woman looking for a Man

Interested in: 2 month bonus relationship
Dossier
Oh. Hello. I’m a woman looking for a man and am mainly interested in a 2 month bonus relationship. I won’t give you my exact age, but let’s just say I am cocaine 80’s. As far as height goes I’m medium and plain, but at least my body type is big and beautiful. (Well, that’s my perception, which is obviously warped. In reality I’m obese). My hair color is natural, but probably needs highlights, and as far as tattoos I have none because i’m a pussy. You want to know about my profession, specifically how much money I make? Well, let’s just say I am deep in debt.

Why you damn well better not date me
I operate on a strict system of rules for behavior, and if you don’t intuitively know what they are and act accordingly, I will consider you a moron and move on. I’m judgemental yet forthcoming so you’re likely to hear all about the things I dislike about you.

What kind of doomed relationship I’m looking for
I secretly don’t have a heart so don’t be surprised if I accidentally break yours, it’s not my fault, I don’t have practice in handling them. But I’m a dynamo in the sack and have soft juicy lips so it’s likely you’ll be a tortured soul after we break up.

I am much more sexy in person
Love is for suckers
Anti-relationship weapon of choice Projection extreme
How I blew my last relationship I wanted to get married.
My relationship nadir (lowest point) I wanted to get married
Longest Relationship (felt like) 90 years
Shortest Relationship A few minutes
Lamest excuse I used to get out of a relationship I’ve decided to pursue celibacy.
Best excuse I used to get out of a relationship I can’t marry you, I’m going to vegas.

*Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One Something at a Time*

Bad Dating Profiles: Your Crazy Is Showing

Head Desk

[dropcap]This[/dropcap] episode of Bad Dating Profiles is a bit of a mix bag.  I originally had something else planned for this week’s edition but as it’s 4:30pm and I’m still working on it, I figured I’d better hit you with something I’ve kept on hand for such an emergency.

Now personally I feel a bit of an ethical dilemma posting the pics to profiles that I may critique or celebrate.  On the one hand, these people have posted their photos on the net It’s a risk we all take with online dating, blogging, facebooking, etc. On the other hand, well it feels a bit judgmental.  But then again, I am judgmental.  So let’s get started.  (Plus in the parental way of “you’re never stupid, darling, though your actions were really super stupid!”  My mockery and critique will be limited to “actions” and this first guy basically did the same thing to someone he cared about aka douche and thus deserves it.  Am I absolved?  See for yourself.

 

devilish dater

The Devilish Dater.        Keep your panties on ladies, this super gem is from plentyoffish.com.  Just when you thought the risk of a relationship wasn’t bad enough, what with the potential for a broken heart and all that, here comes The Devlish Dater.  He’ll not only move on and attempt to date other people but he’ll drag you along for the humiliation and embarrassment of it all.  Now on the plus side, he’ll never actually GET a date because what girl wants to risk the public effigial mockery that is “The Devil Ears and Beard”, so that works in your favor and his misery.  But truth be told, to make a guy that angry, you probably had to do something pretty awful and damaging to him, so at least you have that.  Sadly he’ll remain broken until he musters up the courage to show a friend his profile who will then inform him what a psycho he looks like.  He’ll promptly remove the photo and the dates will pile in.  He’ll move on and you’ll just be that “devil” girl he dated once.  So what is the lesson here folks, don’t fuck your boyfriend over unless you’ve first removed all photos of you from his life.  I just hope that I have a friend who will tell me when my crazy is showing.

The second profile is also from Plentyoffish.com (the place that I snag all my winners).  His profile is in regular type, my comments are in red (like a teacher, passing judgement and offering opportunities for improvement).

The Astrologist.
I know its says otherwise but I am a Libra (The site won’t let me change the date)
Some Librian characteristics that describe me very well…the good and the bad!
Um…Librian?  no.  It’s Libra.  You wouldn’t say, some Physicistian characteristics would you?  When in doubt, characteristics of a Libra my friend.
Librans are famous for being peace-loving, idealistic, sociable, easygoing, charming, romantic, soft-hearted, urbane (okay nothing technically wrong with urbane but come the fuck on bridget?!?! could you sound more like a pretentious douchebag) and diplomatic. Librans make the best organizers and the best masterminds behind strategies. (read:  continual failure to take over the world is due to perpetual need to make lists about things that Libra is the BEST at). They can be always counted on to make peace and douse conflicts between team members because their sense of unprejudiced justice and fair play is acutely strong. (To me this just sounds like “at parties when people are fighting I pee on them to make them stop, oh and I like to add lots of unnecessary words into my sentences to make myself feel smarter).

Traits of a Libra:

Desires popularity (not me…shit who wants to be loved…popularity is for losers!)
Loves art
Neat

Dresses up for the occasion (sp?)(notice the lack of specificity, for all we know “the occasion” is sort of like “the situation”)
Slight perfectionist (you can’t be a slight perfectionist…the very term means that you need things to be perfect…mutually exclusive my friend)
Narcisstic (note spelling see below)
Charitable
Bossy at times
Plans ahead
Attention to detail (examine spelling of Narcississtic, and Occasion above)
Loves public service (hmm…doing it?  or just the general principle that helping others is good?)

Likes…

Beauty
Gifts (is there anybody who doesn’t)
Debates
Attention
Intellectual conversations (Aww Christ! Good luck with that buddy)
Admiration
Credit cards (seriously…credit cards…are you retarded that’s like saying I like being in debt…I think the correct option might be money or having money or having endless money)
Mingling
Subtle colours, textures (subtle textures? As opposed to my wallpaper that punches you in the face when you walk in the room?)

Dislikes…

Dirt (Dirt…ahahaha…these are just too stupid to bother with)
Noise
Confusion
Sloppiness
Ugliness
Pressured decisions
Being rushed
Criticism (see ugliness and sloppiness above – Know thyself)

This little list of dislikes makes this guy appear to be the poster child for “on the verge of a breakdown”.  Noise, confusion, pressured decisions, being rushed, criticism…I can practically seem him pulling out the oozie at the airport baggage check-in right now.

And that wraps up this Sunday’s edition of Bad Dating Profiles.  Tune in next week where we will be featuring something special…The Triplets.

*Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One Something at a Time*

How to Write an Online Dating Profile: A Vancouver Dating Blogger’s Profile

Dating

Sometimes this blog will offer you advice (like how to write an online dating profile).  Other times it will just be me, showing you who I am and what I’m doing while I’m on this crazy journey.  I don’t have all the answers, but I have some, and I have even more questions.  And with that, I give you, my current dating profile on Plenty of Fish.

Interests:

Raspberry Jam  **  the Ability to Walk and Chew Gum at the Same Time  **  Astronomy
a Mexican Song About Housecoats and the Consonants F and H  **  Road Trips  **
Making Out Under Bleachers  **  the Antiquated Term for a Sexual Attraction to Physicists
**  the Proper Response to the Question “where is the baby?”  **  Chuck Norris Facts  **
Friday Night Lights  **  Wit and Sarcasm  **  Big Bang Theory  **  Mind Trap Trivia  **
Magic 8 Balls  **  The Nationalistic High-Five Between Two People of Ukrainian Descent
**  Dos Equis Men  **  Things that Rhyme with Lasagna  **  Drinks with Cherries in Them
Vegas in General  **  Vegas Specifically  **  Atheism  **  Pyrohy  **  Red Toe Nails  **
Dance Moves Involving 8 Consecutive Steps & Ending in Jazz Hands **  My Get Ready Shirt
**  Repetition  **  Repetition  **  Reasons I Would Never Trade You My Jell-O Pudding Cup
**  Reading  ** Writing  **  Making Lists  **  Making Lists of Lists **  Pitching No Hitters
Dusk  **  Inside Jokes  **  Driving on Highways  **  Board Games  **  Shirley Temples  **

About Me:

1. I have magical skills and an extensive knowledge of medical textbooks.

2. With an elastic band, a piece of gum and a thesaurus, I’m pretty sure I can make a party dress.

3. I once stopped global warming by thinking really really hard about icicles, but then I went tanning and it all fell apart. Sorry.

4. I hold actual medals for my charade skills though I’m a complete novice at strip poker.

5. My favorite game is Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock

6. I’m pretty sure I’m Russian Royalty (based mainly on my ability to submerge in icy cold waters for lengthy periods of time).

7. I’ve been known to wear a light on my ass while camping lest I get lost in the forest.

8. I can be found in Wikipedia under “awesome” synonym “rad”

9. After getting a speeding ticket, I once cried unicorn tears and the ticket tore itself up

10. I like to spend my days pondering why melted butter tastes better than solid butter? and why the doors to squash courts are so ridiculously short?

11. I’m ALWAYS with the DJ

12. Santa is well aware I want a Zack Morris cell phone but he’s punishing me because I ate his cookies back in ’96 (and ’87, ’92, ’99, and 2004)

13. Every time I smile an angel gets her wings, and by angel I mean stripper and by wings I mean hundreds

14. Riddle me this…if I get on a train in Venice at 6pm and you get on a plane in New York at 10am, what continent does Russia belong to?

15. I once ate ketchup as a meal

16. The words swab, gauze and panty really gross me out though I’m a huge fan of lozenge and racoon (which I pronounce RAH!-coon not raa-coon)

17. I used to think those Axe commercials were all fake marketing, I now know different

18. I can say “Chubby Bunny” 10 times with 12 marshmallows in my mouth

First Date:

Painting our faces and going to a game   or   Just getting some starbucks and pointing out constellations to each other (I call Orion and Mars!)

*Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One Something at a Time*