[dropcap]S[/dropcap]o Kevin Bacon and I had had 3 dates. He thought I was into him. And when I asked him about where we stood…his response was silence. Not one to accept silence (hey!…I’m a dating blogger…who is no longer interested…obvs I’m going to pry the truth out of you…though one day I hope it would just happen organically). And so I DMed him on Twitter Should I be taking your silence to mean that not only are you not interested in dating but you’re not interested in friendship either? His response? I didn’t have anything to say. Sorry. Busy last night and working now. But pressing the issue, I think you’re not what I’m looking for dating-wise. I hope we can still be friends.
Now here’s the thing of the thing. On our first date, Kevin Bacon had asked me why I blogged. I told him that in the beginning I had started simply because I was tired of telling the same story over and over to my different girlfriends since none of them were really friends with each other. But I said as it progressed [the blog] became more about sharing my experiences, including what I was learning in the hopes that it might help others. But not in the misery-loves-company-commiseration-type way but in the learn-about-the-missteps-you-me-they-we’ve-all-been-taking-and-work-to-correct-them-type way.
So with that being said. Let’s take a look at Kevin Bacon’s response and examine it for what it’s worth (the exact value of learning lessons and sharing perspectives on dating).
I didn’t have anything to say. Sorry. Busy last night and working now.
So this. This right here. Makes him a Dick. Claiming you don’t have anything to say when someone asks you a direct question is a cop out. Now that’s every person’s right to cop out on whatever the fuck they want…because let’s face it…people can do whatever the fuck they want whenever they want. But. And this is the key point here. That rationale doesn’t excuse you from being categorized as a Dick. Additionally, people who apologize and don’t mean it. Ugh. Weaker than weak. Words are bond, son. And throwing words you don’t mean into the world gives an air of in-authenticity and well…gross. Finally, being busy and working is an excuse when someone wants a researched and typed 10 page report on the mating habits of Pandas not when the answer to the question is…I’m not interested in you.
Now I know some of you may be thinking wow, she’s being really harsh and picky with this guy but how are we all supposed to learn if I don’t dissect it. I’m not saying Kevin Bacon is a horrible person and should cease to experience happiness…on the contrary…I wish him all the best. We could substitute any name into this situation and my arguments would be the same. I simply want to illustrate what about this response was so icky and aggravating in the hopes that something can be learned.
But pressing the issue, I think you’re not what I’m looking for dating-wise.
This is perfect. It’s a little bit weirdly-worded ‘dating-wise’ and all but nonetheless it’s clear and makes it’s point. He wasn’t interested in further dating. Simple. Precise. And closure inducing. Boys, take note. Good job, KevinBacon.
I hope we can still be friends.
Aww fuck. He was so close, that Kevin Bacon. Sure he fucked it up royally in the beginning with the Dickishness and the in-authenticity but then he brought it back, salvaged it all really, with the cut-and-dry approach to the truth. And then there’s this. I hope we can still be friends. See the thing of the thing is, this would be fine if he meant it. But he didn’t.
If Kevin Bacon had wanted to be friends he would’ve been more careful with my time. There wouldn’t have been questions about my calendar of future dating, there wouldn’t have been the week of waiting to find out he wasn’t interested in me, and most importantly there would have been this douchey response that was like pulling teeth just to get. If a guy wants to remain friends, like actually remain friends, he respects your time, he’s empathetic of your feelings, he…well…ya know…acts like a friend.
And while it’s perfectly fine not to remain friends with someone you dated, it’s not so perfectly fine to be misleading about it. Because while I’ll admit, I was well aware Kevin Bacon didn’t want to be friends (and the feeling was pretty obviously mutual) there have been other boys….on TV and in movies…in my life…in the lives of my friends…who have acted this exact same in-authentic way. And if your word is all you really ever have. What does it say about a person who throws words like they’re feathers when they know damn well they’re stones? It says you’re a fucking Dick.
So back to the response. Now I personally would’ve just said nothing. In future posts I’ll be talking more about why it’s okay to just throw up the deuces and walk off the stage. But for now I’m going to answer this question for those of you that can’t stand to live with an awkward moment. For those of you who have to have the last word. For those of you who can’t end a sentence without a pleasantry.
While Kevin Bacon said I hope we can still be friends what he should’ve said was I hope we can still be friendly. And yes. A couple of letters really does make that huge of a difference. Because while one of these sentences makes a badly formed counterfeit of a good person…the other is clear and honest and allows for closure. Easy Peasy Light and Breezy.