Come Back Charlies (Part V)


[dropcap]I[/dropcap] like a good recap.  Everybody likes a good recap.  Because even as I tell these stories.  In real life.  To my friends.  To myself.  Silently in my head.  It gets a bit confusing.  Who was who?  Who came back when.  Who was super ridiculous.  Who was the most ridiculous of them all.  So before I tell you about Charlie #4 (a man you’ve all grown to…well…not totally sure…but someone you’ll recognize).  Here is the recap.  Of the Come Back Charlies:

Charlie #1:  The Oxymoronic Lawyer (fix links) and his return in Parts I and Parts II
Charlie #2:  Mr. Basketball (who would later be known be the very name of all these posts – Come Back Charlie)
Charlie #3:  The TACTician aka Mr. Tacky aka The Old Guy
and finally
Charlie #4:  And so the story goes…

It had been two weeks.  To exact weeks.  To the day.  I mean honestly, I can’t make this shit up.  And on the one hand.  It was a total surprise.  Because of course.  He had said there was something missing.  A spark?  Chemistry?  I had asked.  If that’s what you want to call it he had said.  But then truth be told.  I had assumed it was an attraction thing.  I had assumed he’d never been with a chubby bunny before.  And after catching a glimpse of me sans shirt.  He’d changed his mind.  Not the girl for him.  Attraction nil.
On the other hand.  I wasn’t surprised at all.  Because of course.  He’d liked me.  I was certain.  The irony is at the time it never really occurred to me that a person might not know what the fuck they want.  I mean after all this dude wasn’t 22.  He was fucking 38.  He had a grown up job and a kid (are you starting to see who it is? lol).  I mean.  I know what it is to be 25 and not know what the fuck is going on.  I can even fathom that at 30 there will be some that are still confused.  Still uncertain.  I’m not saying you’ll always HAVE what you want.  But at the very least you’ll have a picture in your mind of what it might look like.  But to be 38 and clueless.  I mean shit son.  How does that even happen.  And thus I give you….
TheNickName.  Come Back Charlie #4.  The Cat Came Back The Very Next Day 2 Weeks Later.
Hey you!! 🙂 It said.  His message to me on Plenty of Fish.  How’s things?  Ha ha, Back to school!  And I should have done nothing.  But well.  Unlike the other boys.  The other Come Back Charlies.  TheNickName was IRL (in real life) for me.  We had gone out.  We had hung out.  We had made out.  And now that I was indeed back in school.  And had pretty much forsaken dating and the blog for the time being (I wasn’t totally sure how one could exist without the other).  The idea of bringing a man off the bench.  Bringing a horse out of the stable.  Well that sounded like a damn good idea.  Plus ya know.  I wanted to know what was going on.  2 weeks ago.  Now.  What had changed.  What was different.  What did he want?  And so I messaged back.  Tried to keep it breezy but conversational.

Hey 🙂
Things with me are fantastic (as usual lol) and though a longer break would’ve
been awesome…yes lol I am back at school.  How are things with you?  How 
was the rest of your Xmas/New Year’s?

And then he responded.  Right away with

That’s awesome.  Xmas and New Years was good.  Lots of daughter’s name time.
How was New Years with your ex?  What mid term grades did you get?  A’s I’m

But wait? what?  Does anyone find the thing about New Year’s with my ex a little bit weird.  That’s what he remembers?  Something that got mentioned once, in passing, in our final phone call.  AFTER he had said he didn’t want to date me anymore because he felt something was missing.  Really?  really?  But I kept it breezy.  And honestly, honest.  Because truth be told, he had been there all that last month while writing papers and taking exams.  So I kind of did want to tell him all about my grades.  Lame I know.

Aww I bet daughter’s name loved that 🙂

lol you have such a good memory for things I say…NYE with my ex was good
…my grades were the best yet (I’m so proud which hopefully discounts this
sounding like bragging and making me look like a douche) but I got 2 A-s and 
an A+ (I’m so proud lol…It’s the highest grade I’ve ever gotten)…and to have
gotten it as a final grade means even more…Harvard here I come!…okay I’m 
kind of joking about Harvard…but still…who knew right!?!?!?

Harvard would be missing out, without you!  I’m glad your grades went awesome.
So were you planning on the ex time before our time together?  Yah I guess, cause
you went to Seattle 2 days later.

Wait.  What?!?!  Why all the harping on the ex?  The irony is how he’d mentioned at some point how he can’t stand jealousy and wasn’t a jealous person himself.  And yet.  Really?  really?  And the thing of the thing is.  I don’t even mind jealousy.  In fact I think people who claim they never feel jealous are liars.  Show me your stripes.  All the colors.  The bad and the good.  Show me your true stripes and I can understand you.  Empathize with you.  Deal with you.  But pretend to be something.  And not only do you irritate me but I full on dislike you and finally, don’t trust you.  If you can’t be honest with yourself, how are you going to be honest with me?

I didn’t answer his message for awhile.  I was thinking.  I was purposely making him wait.  I was partly as bored with the whole situation as I am now typing it.  The truth of the matter is.  In the space of those two weeks.  He’d become what I either was to him.  Or possibly much less.  He was a means to an end.  A dude I was attracted to who I felt had the potential to scratch an itch.  And then he texted.  And then he instant messaged on POF and sadly that ends my exact recounting of our interaction.  Because unlike messages, you can’t keep the instant message script.  So now three weeks later I’m going to try and give you the gist of what was said.
He was 100% attracted to me.  Thought I was a babe.  Super sexy.  Also I think he used the word sweet too.  Basically I’m awesome lol.  At the time of our convo and then the next day on the phone.  I had come to the conclusion that the problem had been his jealousy/assumptions about my ex (and me).  And that in some attempt to protect himself/or because of an averse reaction to those feelings he’d cut things short.
However, knowing what I know now.  I think he’s part totally retarded and part slow and/or satisfied sex drive.  But at the time I kind of figured.  Okay well I know that dating won’t work.  But *dreamy eyes* perhaps I had finally found my Golden Egg.  Someone to keep me from going insane during the school year.  Someone to gimme some man love without all the baggage.

Only the booty call satisfaction never happened.  I waited a week and a half (I was sick with a cold at the time).  Waited till the weekend.  Gave him a shout.  Have a hockey game he said.  Uh yeah I wasn’t thinking until way later I have dinner plans tonight and we’ll probably be out till 1ish I told him.  I’m gonna be bagged and have to get up early tomorrow to go to a job site.  Sorry!  Another time please!  And I thought.  Fuck that noise.  But well.  I was really itchy.  And I don’t drink anymore.  And none of my exes live in Vancouver.  And Goddamn Mamma needed some ass.

So the next night.  After going out with a friend.  And scoping out The New Oxford for a possible location for the upcoming tweetup.  And then heading over to Society for cotton candy.  I texted.  Last time.  Last chance.  Last attempt.  This was really getting pathetic.  But at the very least I thought it would be funny.  Because after all.  What I decided to text.  To him.  Was something that had been clarified to me oh so clearly.  And though he likely wouldn’t get the irony.  I thought it was delicious.  What are you wearing?

But alas.  No response came.  Done.  This was awful.  I’m a hottie.  I’m a dynamo in bed.  Chubby bunny or not I’m fucking awesome and I don’t know how I got all turned around but this behavior had to stop.  But of course.  He responded.  The next morning.  With something ridiculously lame.

I was in a low cut number, with sheer and lace. lol.

I won’t lie.  The petty part of me decided to be snarky.  Too bad you didn’t respond last night I said.

I was out at a fundraiser.  Your outfit sounds lovely!  I had a buddy with me, and he stayed over, Sorry.

My thoughts?  Don’t give a shit.  Plus…uh…wait…I didn’t say what I was wearing.  Weird.  lol…maybe he’s still drunk ha ha.

No worries I said I’m thinking your life is too busy for sex lol and I want it to be very present so I’m out.  And to be clear.  Yes, dear readers.  I know this was a little hysterical.  A little.  Why bother?  Just stop texting him.  But I urge you to try to understand.  This was the build up of 2 months of both sexual and mental frustration.  And quite honestly I was horny, irritated, and pissed.  So yes.  You could say I was being petty.  And annoying.  And about to get even more petty with my last and final text to him.

BTW…if you ever want to check out some of my writing just google “Something She Dated” 🙂  All the best kid!

And thus.  The end of The Nick Name.  And essentially the moment that I decided this was fucking ridiculous. The moment that prompted another moment.  The Announcement.  So gentlemen of my future.  Gentlemen who will not be getting laid.  Gentlemen who will not be able to just “see what’s what”.  Gentlemen who will have blue balls.  You have The Nick Name to thank.  You’re welcome.

Now the thing about these Come Back Charlies is.  On the one hand.  I’m certain they’re absolutely fucking retarded.  But you have to wonder.  Why me?  Why again?  Why me?  Do I smell like a second chance?  Can they taste it in the air?  Or is it that they’ve seen that I’m just so awesome they simply HAVE to try their hand again?  I want to believe the latter.  But the thing of the thing is.  If it was the latter.  Why didn’t they just try harder the first time around.  Alas.  It must be the former.  Yet another reason I need to coat myself in HardToGet speedstick and keep the relaxed and breezy stench off of me.  Not to mention just generally roll around in some cotton candy happiness and quite dealing with this kind of ridiculousness and aggravation thrown my way (albeit permitted by my engagement with it).  But I digress.  I was done.  I am done.  With the losers.  Time to be Hard.  To.  Get.  Full stop.

Vancouver Dating Blog:  Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One “Something” at a Time

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Victoria Young

Writer. Dater. Masturbator. Stop ruining my jokes by believing the self-deprecation. I am far greater than your boner will ever know.

6 Replies to “Come Back Charlies (Part V)”

  1. Woot!

    Nothing petty about telling you’re out… not playing the appear available and interested but never be available etc.. Good for you.
    However, you gave him your blog… hmmm Not sure I would have done that.

    Overall – good for you! Not playing the games of the man children of pof is a start to finding a man man…. no man children anymore.

  2. Yeah the pettiness was mostly in the telling him about the blog. Though part of telling him was about the whole “Never leave a party early” blog post. So it wasn’t totally petty lol.

  3. ahh, love it. giving him your blog was like saying, “now you can read about what a moron you are – learn it now retard. You’re welcome. PS- Im awesome.”

    You’re my hero(ine)

  4. Umm… really? Not sure about this guy. Bringing up the ex like that? Not responding to “what are you wearing?” Lame excuse?

    Nope- this guy was out banging someone ahead of you in line. Keeping you on his “Bench.”

    Great line, btw! “Bring one in from the bench”

    If a girl told me that I was on the bench, and she was hot, I’d be like “sweet! Just happy to be on the team, coach!”

    Cuz I’m a team player like that.


    PS Updates!

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