And The Douchie Goes To … Me? (Part 2 of 3)

And The Douchie Goes To…

Detour.  I know.  It’s a bit weird to have a detour before we’ve actually gotten on the road with this blog post.  But I digress.  I just wanted to give a quick refresher.  Because with me being back at school.  And having the most insane (read: I’m a baby) flu for the last 2 weeks.  Posting has been a bit sparse (at least by comparison to my summer schedule).  So I know people can forget.  And that’s normal.  I’m not blaming.  And I’m certainly not taking it personal.  Shit.  I mean I can barely remember what happens to me.  So how on earth are you going to.  So here goes.

Things with Trucker Joe had really just.  Kinda well.  Fallen to shit.  We’d had 7 dates.  On the 4th we made out like high school kids.  On the 5th he had ball issues.  But I knew there was more.  By the 7th I had enough balls to ask what was up.  The explanation.  Well.  Failed to impress.  So we became facebook buddies.  And then.  All of sudden.  Via facebook.  Trucker Joe was in a relationship.  With someone who wasn’t me.  Bizarro I know.  At first I thought he was a big douche.  I assumed he had been dating this chick the whole time and instead of being upfront about it had just simply given a bullshit excuse about not being physical with me because (and I quote) “he didn’t love me.”  After less than 2 months of casual dating no less.

But then.  The very next morning.  There came a message.  That would set in motion a series of thoughts.  That would sway my opinion.  Fickle as it was at that moment.  From the douchie going to him.  To the douchie going to me.  How can that be? you ask.  *So I gesture*  Walk with me.  And I’ll show you the path my brain took.  And we’ll figure it all out together.  The message reads:


[colored_box color=”blue”]

Trucker Joe          September 7  at 5:28am

tough questions…. i was attracted to u….. that night u looked sooo good and i was so horny but in the end [SSD] there was just something missing for me…. which i have found in [blah blah], we just connected on so many levels and to b honest it is a little scary but so exciting for me…i only met her a week ago but it feels right for me….well i guess school is bout to go full swing so knock them dead 🙂



So first.  This was AMAZING!  Now try not to judge.  Because even though you might not qualify your life based on making the Hollywood’s Hottest 50 list.  If they actually fucking wanted you on it.  You’d feel damn amazing.  So this is like that.  It’s not that I’d since felt anything less than hot.  But I had never really believed his answer.  About thinking I was attractive but not being attracted to me because of divorce bullshit.  And this.  Was my validation.  He was attracted to me.  I did turn him on.  *high five* I win.

Secondly.  wait.  what?  you still need more time?  you haven’t yet stopped vomiting over the fact that he committed (publicly, on facebook no less) to a chick he’d known after a week?  Okay.  I’ll give you another minute.  But honestly.  I don’t think it’s going to get much better.  I mean this is basically right out of Autumn in New York or some other equally lame romance.  So time isn’t going to change it.  Better we just plow straight ahead.

So after the vomiting stopped.  And I made an attempt not to judge (for reference I’m a realist.  I said attempt I made an attempt not to judge).  And that’s when my thoughts took me to the unluckiness of it all.  I mean seriously.  What are the fucking chances.  That me.  The girl just looking for a summer of fun.  Breezy.  Sexy.  Antonym of intense fun.  Finds the one guy.  Like literally the one guy.  Who needs an intense emotional connection to have sex.  And even more than that.  That I find the one guy who isn’t looking to bang away the pain/anger of his divorce.  I mean seriously.  Come the fuck on bridget!

So here’s the thing of the thing.  I will admit.  I have a character flaw.  *shocker*  Well obviously I have several.  But this one specifically.  I mean.  We all know it.  I’m judgey wudgey was a bear.  Though to redeem myself.  I’m quick to change my mind.  I’m quick to let someone back in who I thought was out.  You get the idea.  But of my judging.  I must admit.  I am hardest.  On guys.  Who reveal.  What I would consider…erhm…um…feminine qualities.  And I won’t go on and on about this.  And it really shouldn’t come as a surprise to any of you readers at least.  I mean fuck.  I’m trying to date Chuck Norris and MMA fighters.  Though I love a physicist.  So when I say feminine.  Honestly.  I mean ridiculously romantic.  And not in a real love kind of way.  In a retarded kind of way.  I’m stopping now because this really is a whole blog post on its own.  But the point is.  I spent a good while.  Just.  Well.  Laughing.  Because honestly.  I found it so hysterical.  The ridiculousness of the thing itself.  And then the hilarity that he would end up dating me.  Of all fucking people.  OBVIOUSLY it wouldn’t work out fool, sheesh.

So the thought process?  Come, let’s walk on.  So there I was all hysterical and happy.  When I start to think.  Hey!?!  I mean what the fuck?  Wasn’t this the same guy who had wanted to keep things breezy (my word obviously)?  Who talked about wanting to date casually? (of which I was a big fan).  I mean what a douche.  Why did he even date me at all.  I clearly expressed from the very first date that I wanted to keep things open.  breezy.  a girl asks you out for Friday night I said you go ahead and accept that date.  And yet here he was.  Looking for a connection.  A deeply emotional connection.  All along.  This guy who attempted to paint himself as fun and carefree.  Wanted a girlfriend?  Was seeking…well whatever you call committing after a week.  What a douche!

But wait.  And here’s where we find ourselves down the garden path.  In the orchard I like to call.  SSD, you’re a douche too under that logic or calling the kettle black.  Because here’s the thing of the thing.  Just as he painted himself as a guy who wanted to date non-exclusively.  I too painted myself as such.  And as such, I did in fact give the impression that there was potential.  For more.  And though I may have said as much on this blog.  And said even more about it to my friends.  I never actually told him, conveyed that thought to him.  There was never a chance.  He would have never lasted past Christmas.  He never had a shot.  There was never a concern.  He wasn’t even in the race.  I mean not really.  So I mean.  I can’t get pissed that he was (see ghetto diagram) acting centre when in fact he was far right because there I was claiming centre and residing far left.

no relationship potential————–casual dating/open to possibility————-(he’s a) crazy chick

So there you have it.  It looks like the douchie really was going to go to…me afterall.

But wait.  It looks.  wait.  does it?  Yep.  It looks like this path we’re walking on.  It doesn’t quite end here.  Look how it winds through that orchard but carries on.  There’s still enough light out.  Surely we should keep walking, yes no?

To Be Continued….

Vancouver Dating Blog: Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One “Something” at a Time

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Victoria Young

Writer. Dater. Masturbator. Stop ruining my jokes by believing the self-deprecation. I am far greater than your boner will ever know.