Do Nice Guys Finish Last?

Nice guys finish last

Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last?

The logic behind the claim  Nice guys finish last  is so flawed I hardly know where to start (but start, I will).

First off, who are these nice guys who are claiming to finish last?  How are they defining last?  As a matter of fact, how are they defining nice?  And who are they, to claim for themselves this relative qualifier?  The balls on these dudes…ugh.

And those are just the questions I have about definitions and test subjects, we’re not even talking about the actual testing scenario. I mean, not to get all correlational/causational on you but let’s be real here for a minute.  Are these alleged nice guys trying to say that they are so one-factored in their life that there are no other possible reasons for why they may or may not finish last, depending of course on how we define last as mentioned above?

Supposing for a second that we’ve all agreed upon what defines being nice and supposing further than that we find a guy who fits this definition.  He goes on a date, and pays like a gentleman, there is chatter and all things seem to go well.  There’s a short kiss, the date ends and all feels right in the world.  The next day our test subject calls his date and proposes a second adventure.  She is not  interested.  He self-soothes with a mantra of nice guys finish last, nice guys finish last, nice guys *sob* finish last.  He tells all his friends that she was a money grubbing whore only using him for a free dinner.  He considers no other possibilities.  And therein lies the rub.

He’s not such a nice guy.  At least not in my opinion.  Besides the obvious trashing of the girls reputation, the more core issue is the fact that it doesn’t even enter into his consciousness that he might be to blame.  Or at fault (though I prefer to think of it as just people who didn’t mesh) but if dude’s are going to play the blame card, I’m going to deal it out to them.  And like I’ve said over and over again, if you have to say it…you aren’t it.  If you have to tell people you’re funny, you’re not.  If you have to tell people you’re smart, you’re not.  If you have to tell people you’re nice, you’re not.  What you are…is oblivious.  Every dude thinks he’s a nice guy, a super swell fella and the truth is the truth is to be honest, though in varying degrees, admittedly, I’m telling you right now, fellas, you are not.  Now I’m not saying you’re all assholes, not even close.  What I am saying, is that people are flawed, it’s in our nature, and so blanketing your dating woes, or even your life woes, with the fluffy but I’m such a nice guy defense is really not going to get you anywhere.

That being said.  Even if you are, that super amazingly nice guy who never says a harsh word, never has a derogatory comment and just wants everyone to be happy and spends a great deal of his time trying to make life that way.  And even if I can pretend for a minute that you’re not a dick for the crime detailed above of thinking you’re soooo amazing that the problem has to be someone else.  I have to ask, a very serious and vital question:  Who told you that being nice was enough?  Would you want to spend the next 40 years with someone who’s only redeeming quality was that they were nice?  I don’t need a seat on the bus, I need fun.  Okay, that’s a lie…I want both.  I’m greedy like that.  And so are most boys really.

I mean, girls aren’t allowed to be enough…just by being nice.  Seriously.

When was the last time a dude got hard for nice?

When was the last time a dude got hard for nice?  Girls have to be fit, healthy and adventurous…but ya know…all the while maintaining a kind of fresh faced makeup-less beauty that allows for no faults of DNA.  Boys want witty conversation, and upbeat personalities, smart opinions but polite decorum.  They want the Princess without the baggage, the President without the power-trip and the Pornstar without the career…they want the pussy without the problems.

And It boggles the mind.  My mind is boggled.  That I hear it all the time.  This complaint that I have absolutely no sympathy for.  Nice guys finish last.  I couldn’t possibly care less for the plight of the nice guy.  Because in a world that asks women to be exceptional…why on earth do men think being nice is enough.  How is that even possible?!?!

And just so we’re clear, I’m not opposed to people being extraordinary.  I whole-heartedly encourage it.  I think women should try to be all those things listed above and more (except the makeup-less one because a person has no hand in the DNA they were dealt and screw you for judging her/us/them like that).

Personally, I’m nowhere near, but always striving, to be the most awesome version of me that I can be.  And to be honest, I want the same to be true of others.  I fear, much of the world isn’t with me on this one though.  I fear that a great deal of the population is totally all right with just getting by and being entirely average.  Which I guess is fine, you can’t control people and all that jazz.  But that doesn’t mean I’m going to start dating a guy who defines himself as nice.  full stop.

I wouldn’t buy a one dimensional house or want to live in a one dimensional world, so why would I want to date a one dimensional person?

 

Vancouver Dating Blog:  Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One “Something” at a Time

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Victoria Young

Writer. Dater. Masturbator. Don't worry my parents don't think I'm funny either. Grad Student. My breasts aren't ashamed of me either. You and me kid, we're going to change this world.

8 Comments

  1. SSW

    March 25, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    I love love this blog post how true it all is and thank you for posting it!

  2. Samantha

    May 7, 2012 at 3:20 am

    You are such a talented writer. I love reading what you have to say. Always. But this one was exceptional to me- simply brilliant/funny/relatable/relevant/what-have-you. So thank you for that. Also, I feel that men who bitch n’ moan about being “too nice” (or anyone who whines about how they’re getting shafted for having too much of some generally positive quality) are generally the type who have carefully-constructed self-images that they have to viciously protect. Admitting one’s flaws and accepting responsibility don’t really jive with fragile self-deception. So, hmmm, whatever. Just my 2 cents on the subject. Please keep on doing what you’re doing, lady.

  3. Michael

    July 19, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    Yep, NAILED it. There are strong guys and weak guys. You’re right when you say the weak ones aren’t that nice. They’re just a more vulnerable genus of the species better known as ‘Dickheadus Maximus’. There’s a whole abyss of bitter that’s being camouflaged with that word ‘nice’. Usually quite poorly. Thanks for a great read!! 🙂

  4. Dave

    August 3, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    Keep putting down and insulting the “nice guys” and we will live to regret it.

    • Anonymous

      December 31, 2013 at 4:56 am

      you completely missed the point of this article

  5. John B.

    August 11, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    I’ve been there for being a nice guy. What I can say today is that girls like bad boys. Actually, both boys and girls like something that is not easy for them, that is hard-to-get. Nice guys are the microwaves to heat-up the leftovers, which means when the girl is screwed over by enough jerks, she comes to think that maybe it’s time to get together with that “weak, nice” guy. When I was back in UBC, I really liked a girl and helped her with almost everything; with me, her grade was improved and her social circle was expanded. I thought she really liked me until one day I found out that she had been dating a who’s absolutely XXXXX(a high school dropout). Please don’t get me wrong though, nice guys are just men who are frustrated for not being able to harvest from their investment. If they are lucky like me, then they will eventually get out of there. If they don’t realize what they are doing, maybe they will end up with their “dream girl”, or some homely looking gals…

    • Victoria Young

      December 31, 2013 at 5:06 am

      John, unfortunately I think you kind of missed the point here. You’re still basically claiming that you should’ve gotten the girl because you treated her well (though I would argue someone who keeps track of the ways you assist another is not actually so nice at all given that you’d only keep track if you had an expectation of the tally being evened out by her later). Also, being kind is not an “investment” that can be “harvested”. In all honesty, let’s cut the bullshit, you’re a dick, you’re not a nice guy (reread how you talk about women and your time spent with them if you disagree).

      But here’s the real point to note: niceness, isn’t really what this article is about. I was actually saying that being nice is one facet of what makes a person wonderful and dateable. Why do girls have to be all things (hot, smart, interesting, hot, funny, hot, non-judgmental, hot, etc.) when all men expect of themselves is to be nice or a good guy? Being nice is not enough and it’s time men stop thinking it is (particularly given the standards women are expected to live up to).

  6. Tony

    September 7, 2015 at 1:56 am

    I see the point in your logic, but again sometimes the “nice guy” get into a relationship with a girl that just has issues. Not saying every woman has issues but for guys that are shy like I once was it’s happens. I’m sure on both sides men & women alike have some stories about horrible dates or relationships. Yet, when it’s happens every time it’s like what the hell? I can say this from personal experiences.
    Any who I always manage to get that whole “your a amazing guy” story from just about every girl I’ve dated, & that gets old to the point if you hear it all the time you start to wonder. It’s drive me nuts sometimes makes me wonder if there’s something wrong with me or if it’s a lie to spare me feelings. I have tried to get closure on it but it’s always the same story.
    I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m complaining. It’s just something that I just don’t understand & I believe that’s something like this does logical answer.