He Sucks, She Sucks, We All Suck Vancouver

Dating

 

The truth is I hadn’t planned to write anything.  I was busy with school and papers and grad school apps etc.  But there came a point when I just couldn’t bite my tongue anymore and the things that were being said…well…just seemed…so…totally and completely off the fucking mark.  And with that, here is my “response” to the 2 articles stirring up a dating storm in Vancouver (though you don’t have to read them to understand my post, I don’t think…): Do Vancouver Men Suck & Do Vancouver Women Suck, A Reader’s Response

 

Dear Vancouver,

I hear it all the time.  I experience it myself.  Dating in Vancouver sucks.  And according to this article, we might just be able to get away with blaming the men.  And to be honest, I completely agree, men in Vancouver absolutely suck.  But then again so do the women.  See that’s the thing about being dicks.  Just because you’re one doesn’t mean I’m not one too.  And the same goes for the gender issue brought up in this article.  Just because men here suck at dating, and possibly life, doesn’t mean women don’t too.  And while I know I’ve just thrown a truckload of double negatives your way, I want to make something perfectly clear.  I agree with the article.  I disagree with the article.  I think it said some things worth saying.  I think it missed the mark completely.  So ya know.  Crystal clear right?

The problem with dating in Vancouver is actually pretty simple.  Well, at least knowing what the problem is, is simple, everything else like how it got this way and how to change it…well those are up for grabs.  But here it is, this is what I know about dating in Vancouver:

1.  Vancouver Men are Pansies
2.  Vancouver Women are Bitches
3.  Everybody is still fucking
4.  We’ve become the “American School System of Dating”

Just so we’re clear.  I don’t have all the answers.  But I do know that dudes here are pansies.  Full stop.  And I know it’s politically incorrect.  And I know reverse-gender oppression and all that.  But the truth is, if I wanted to date someone more feminine than me, I’d pick a chick…they’re much prettier and smell nicer.  I want a man.  I want a man who can grow a full beard.  I want a man who’s balls are too big to wear skinny jeans.  I want a dude who knows how to make a decision, was smart enough to do something with his life, has a plan and takes some action.  Truth is I want more than this, but this will suffice for the moment.

 

1.  Vancouver Men are Pansies.
Men in Vancouver are shy.  And quiet.  The only time I ever see any aggression is in the most negative of ways, bar fights, street fights, etc.  Ironically the exact things that are working against getting them laid, which is what all that fighting is about isn’t it…sexual frustration?  And while you can try to claim that men are like this in every city I assure you, it’s simply not true.  And I’m not a ten, so you can’t blame it on that either.  I can go anywhere in the States, and boys are talking to me.  Spain and they’re hollering down the street.  When I was in Paris, I had a Chef (in his full Chef get-up) leave his restaurant and come across the street into the launder-mat I was using and chat me up…and he didn’t even have any laundry!  The list goes on.  But in Vancouver, it’s few and far between.  And most of the time I’m not even certain they’re chatting me up.

And that’s out in public.  People claim the internet is so different and online dating is so easy and guys will say anything.  This is true.  To some extent.  While I won’t get into the idiocy that are the messages of Vancouver men (that’s…uh…basically the rest of this blog)…I will say that this lack-of-assertiveness translates onto the net as well.  While here in Vancouver I get anywhere between 0-5 messages a day, and at least 80% of those are bullshit like hot tiiiiiiiiiiits and messages that make you think you’re Drowning in a Sea of Idiocy, this isn’t the case in every city.  And how do I know??  Because I’m a woman who appreciates a little Science and Dating and who doesn’t love a good experiment.

So, one day I changed my dating profile, just for the day, to say Boston (since, after all I am considering grad school there, might as well see what’s up with the dating).  And within that one single day I had over 50 messages, at least 75% of which were eloquent and interesting.  Now it’s not perfect science, perhaps Vancouver is small and we have to factor in that I was a “new” profile in Boston and not in Van but still, that’s a pretty huge increase.  We simply can’t ignore it. [Update: the messages are just as fucking stupid in Montreal (see my SSDated instagram for proof), so clearly I just need to move to Boston *half joking*]

So to sum up.  Vancouver men are more feminine than men in other cities and I have no idea why.  Vancouver men are shy and less likely to approach a woman, in public or online, and I have a partial idea why.  And that’s how we get to point number two.  Vancouver women are bitches.

 

2. Vancouver Women are Bitches.
Now ladies, before you start freaking out on me…I love you.  To me??  Oh well, to me you’re fucking lovely, amazing, sweethearts, princesses, best ever, love ya…but to guys…well…um…it can get a little rough.  You see the thing is, the whole dating in Vancouver situation is a bit of a snowball.  Because here we are moaning about how guys don’t approach us or talk to us, but when they do, we suddenly become the Simon Cowells of dating…critical bitches, yo.  He’s gay.  He’s too feminine.  Ugh, hipster.  He’s weird.  He’s creepy.  He’s too short.  and the list goes on.  And while I also, don’t really want to date a short feminine hipster who’s a little bit weird or creepy and may or may not be gay…it might be a good idea if I don’t treat him like shit because

a. he’s human
b. he might be a fucking genius (which aside from the gay possibility, could really negate all that other stuff for me) (see #4 coming up) and
c. who knows if he ends up being the most amazing person you’ve ever known and the whole hipster thing is just a phase.
d.  or maybe turns out you love hipsters
e.  or maybe or maybe or maybe…have a fucking imagination…and imagine the possibilities

Plus, in the interest of sisterhood, shouldn’t we all be particularly kind and pleasant to any fellow interested in talking to us, if only to help propagate a species of males who regularly approach chicks in Van?  THINK OF YOUR SISTERS!!


That being said, I take you back to the point above where I mentioned that half the time a boy is chatting me up, it’s so timid and feeble I assume he just wants us to be besties.  And I’m almost certain during the conversation he hasn’t once considered all the dirty things I might be able to do with my mouth (Sidenote:  To be clear he should never SAY any of the dirty things he thinking till at least some of them have been put into action, I mean Social Protocol, yo, but still…he should be thinking them…if he wants me, I mean).

That being said, girls in Vancouver are fickle bitches.  I can’t tell you how many times girls complain about how dudes dress.  But here’s the thing ladies…you can’t ask for a man in a suit and be disappointed when he’s metrosexual.  And you can’t ask for a dude that puts effort into his outfit and then be disappointed when he shows up in skinny jeans and $200 high tops…which you can be damn sure he put some thought into.  So the next time you want to complain about how a guy dresses, just remember that you’re actually asking him to tuck his little purse of man coins (cajones, nuts, love lockets, berries, wedding tackle, etc.) just a little bit further away from you and hey if you’re cool with that then cool.  It’s not my business.  But don’t come crying to me while I love a man with a full beard and a baseball cap (and pants large enough to let his man marbles breathe) ready to talk science and fuck me senseless…uh…er…something like that.  Basically ladies…stop asking for a Pretty Prince when you want a King.  Because you can’t have both.  And the next time some dude says what’s up…give him a shot.  I’m not saying you need to sell your soul or makeout with him in public.    But give the dude a go.  You never know when it turns out he has a PhD. in something other than his pants (though that’s fun too).

 

3.  Everyone is Still Fucking.
Vancouver is a city you can get laid in.  No doubt.  100%.  No question.  Maybe it’s because we’re liberal.  Maybe it’s because the clubs here suck and what else are you going to do but grind up on someone else.  Maybe it’s because we’re all just so fucking happy to be so close to the mountains, the ocean, and amazing sushi that we’re willing to throw caution (and our panties) to the wind and get down.  And to be clear…this is a judgement free zone…get down with your bad self.  But here’s the one drawback I’ve seen so far.

Why would men want to bother to step their game up?  Why would it even occur to them to be smarter, more interesting, kiss better, or any of the other things we want from them??  THEY’RE STILL GETTING LAID!!!!  And while I’m currently doing my best to limit this phenomenon (which is quite the sacrifice for someone who rallies around the term SLUTmazing)…I can’t do it alone ladies.  I’m just one woman!

 

4.  Vancouver is the American School System of Dating.
People typically think of Hollywood as a town of beauty-obsessed starlets and airheads, so perhaps I shouldn’t feel so shocked that Vancouver, the Hollywood of the North, has become full of the same.  I almost don’t know how to describe it.  I was to yell at this city, like a frustrated parent screams at their 21 year old who just keeps fucking up…over and over again and all you can do is explode with YOU BETTER GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT KIDDO!!!  Because that’s really where the problem lies.  The bigger, more important problem.  It lies in a set of fucked up priorities.  In a city where the dating complaints sound a bit like something George Bush might say.  We have become the American Education System of Dating.

The first article described three young women:

they’re attractive, smartly put together, and fit. They hike the Chief, do the Grouse Grind, ski, bike the seawall, and kayak

And then that’s it.  That’s the end of the description.  I mean, seriously?!  Take a moment.  And let’s think about what’s missing from this list of what I can only assume is supposed to be a description of what makes these women dateable, desirable, worthy, etc. in our fair city.  So, let’s see…they’re attractive and fit.  So that’s good.  And they’re smart…oh no wait…they’re smartly put together…ok…so I guess that’s cool, they have some fashion sense.  And…then we’re back to descriptions of their athletic pursuits.  Super.  And to be honest, this is Vancouver.  A city where being fit and fashionable are your best assets.  I weep for humanity.

But seriously?!  Would you date these girls?  I mean hot bodies and financials aside, what do these chicks have to offer?  And while you could make the argument that for the sake of brevity, details about personality were left out…but in an article that runs for five pages (no judgement, people in glass houses, I’m just saying)…that argument kind of falls flat.

And so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that the article focuses greatly on appearances.  Which are valid mind you, attraction is attraction.  Pretending it’s irrelevant isn’t helping anyone.  But if the women of Vancouver were really able to give that hypothetical Genie lamp a rub…is a dude who dresses up for his lady really what we’d ask for???

How about a man who can hold a conversation, who understands the ebb and flow of asking questions and offering things that can be responded to, who has SOMETHING TO SAY!  How about we aim for the stars and ask for intelligent men who have thoughts about science or math, or the history of art, or how a font curves in a way that makes his heart pound, or can tell a joke that is actually funny and not in that stupid I just said something super dumb but I’m going to attempt to cover it up by calling it a joke way that just makes you want to tear your hair out.  What happened to wanting real things that matter??  Who cares if he is wearing a sharp blazer if the man can’t manage to follow an argument from thesis to proof to proof to proof to conclusion.  When did we get so fucking tedious!!

And ladies, you’re not excused either.  Because there are really only three complaints I ever hear from guys.  Stupid, Crazy, Snobs (the nicer way to say Bitches).  And while crazy I have some thoughts on (that’s another article entirely)…they’re often right about the other two.

So this is to everybody (me included, improvement is always possible and required).  Step your game up.  Read a book.  Be more than anyone ever expected you could be.  Say something.  Do something.  Change the world.  Be interesting.  Make a point.  Make a mark.  Hold your head high and be proud of what you’re doing with your life.

And for fuck sakes…ladies…be nicer to the next guy that chats you up…(but if he’s a loser don’t sleep with him…it’s as bad as faking orgasms and you need to start thinking of your fellow woman).  And guys…man the fuck up…put some of that natural testosterone to good use and chat a lady up.  And be clear about it.  Because the only thing worse than being rejected??  Is being rejected by a girl who probably would’ve liked you if only she’d known that weren’t trying to be her new bestie.

Finally, while I applaud @AmigoJor for getting out there and doing his thing.  I have to toss out a few words of advice for the boys because I almost think everything he said was misguided.

1.  Don’t talk to chicks on the bus if it’s anytime before noon.  She’s busy.  She’s trying to get to work on time.  She can’t be bothered with you because her boss wants the blah blah on his desk by noon plus she’s not really a morning person and dammit can’t I just enjoy this latte in peace.  Plus daytime isn’t sexy, yo.  Save that shit for afternoon to evening.

2.  Beaches?  Park?  Sure…those are awesome for July and August…but uh…this is Vancouver.

3.  Yaletown.  I can either buy into the stereotypes…in which case she’s got the nervous jittery look because her body is still trying to recover from all the coke she did last night not because she’s anti-social.  If we want to go the PC route…don’t assume…if you boys want us ladies to see you in your skinny jeans and not think gay! you’re going to have to knock the Snobby girls are from… shit off.  It goes both ways.

4.  Coffee Shops…home run.  What can I say…he’s right (though I see it in a slightly less cynical way).  And I almost kind of hope that one day I might run into this fella in a coffee-shop…and he’ll say something kind and interesting and we’ll have banter.  He’ll ask for my number and I’ll give it.  And perhaps he never calls.  And perhaps I don’t really want him to.  But we’ll both go home and start a snowball effect.  We’ll tell our friends about the time we met a person who was kind and funny and sort of maybe amazing (or at least not creepy and weird/ bitchy and distant) and how he acted like a man and I was a perfect lady.  And it will encourage our friends to do the same.  And they’ll tell their friends and so on and so forth.  All because one day a couple different people wrote articles and then some other people put it into action.  Or ya know.  Something like that.

But one final word of advice…gentlemen…don’t ever say something like this “Ahh, lovely sunrise with those heavy clouds in the distance, eh?” (from article)…because while you think she responds with “yahh” out of disinterest, there’s another much more likely reason.  There is no good response to this.  Or at least not one that someone who’s just be taken aback by someone new talking to her on a bus can come up with in a timely manner.  This is a question for an art gallery or a third date.  When your chatting a new chick up on the bus, on the street, at a pub, you have to make sure she can respond without feeling like an idiot.  This is not the time to quiz her knowledge of 18th century philosophy.  Just relax.  And ask her something normal.  Like how is your night going?  


So good luck out there my lovelies.  Because don’t mistake my harsh no-bullshit approach for anything other than a love for this city and her people.  I love Vancouver.  And I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t care.  I just want you to knock off this teenager-apathetic-I-don’t-need-to-be-amazing-nonsense and get started.  It’s never too late.  Nothing is permanent.  The world is waiting with baited breath.  Now go out and date like I know you can.


Yours Truly,

Something She Dated
aka That girl at Starbucks two seats over
aka Your favorite chat up chick
aka Miss Social Protocol 2012
aka Your dating fairy godmother
aka Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One “Something” at a Time

Vancouver Dating Blog:  Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One “Something” at a Time

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Victoria Young

Writer. Dater. Masturbator. Don't worry my parents don't think I'm funny either. Grad Student. My breasts aren't ashamed of me either. You and me kid, we're going to change this world.

39 Comments

  1. Ceci

    January 10, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    Honestly… you hit the nail on the head.. as I see it anyway.
    Well done! sharing on all available places.!!

  2. k

    January 10, 2012 at 10:16 pm

    You rock. This is EXACTLY what I’ve talked about with friends.
    My type is ‘sporty geek’ though I love your science description 😉

    Good luck to you. I’m a downtown girl not originally from here and this is the longest I’ve EVER been single in a city. Ever. I don’t think there was one thing I disgreed with you in this post.
    Thanks for making it so easy to read – and hopefully some men out there will read it too.
    🙂

  3. Andrew D. Lacelle

    January 10, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, all too often people dismiss or altogether ignore the faults of their own gender and tend to just concentrate on the flaws of the other one. I tip my hat to you ma’am, it was some good reading.

  4. Anonymous

    January 10, 2012 at 11:44 pm

    as the woman who as interviewed for, and pseudonymed as “Jillian” in the original Vancouver Magazine article, I can say “yahoo, someone nailed it” … and not slag either sex, particularly. We’re all in this together … so let’s get our mojo working, y’all.

  5. Lindsay

    January 11, 2012 at 12:39 am

    When I’m back in school this summer, I’m going to put a little “I’m approachable” stick on my laptop so that, while I’m studying in a coffee shop, some hot guy will come over and know that I’m not going to be a stupid, crazy, snob.

    I’m all about being proactive.

    Also, I agree with you on the morning bus thing. Last thing I want to do first thing in the morning is talk to people. On my way home I’m much more open to chatting.

  6. kimochigirl

    January 11, 2012 at 1:55 am

    Thanks for saying what all of us are thinking!!! Off to share… =)

  7. Karla

    January 11, 2012 at 4:59 am

    Awesome post! I think we it’s because we’re so happy we have the mountains, the ocean and sushi that we’re all so quick to drop trou

  8. Anonymous

    January 11, 2012 at 5:09 am

    Haha thanks for the laughs!

  9. Wanderlusting

    January 11, 2012 at 5:48 am

    Bravo! Couldn’t have said it better myself. As a life-long Vancouverite like yourself…man, people here can really suck. When my bf (who is from back East, obviously) says hello to strangers on the street, they look AFRAID and shocked that someone dares to speak to them. Come on Vancouver…smile once in a while!

  10. Anonymous

    January 11, 2012 at 6:04 am

    I read that first article and noticed the comments consisted of mostly men defending themselves. I wanted so badly to comment, but then the next article came out and noticed the comments consisted of mostly females defending themselves. Of course, in reading the comments, I came across your blog and decided to comment here instead. In the end, those two articles were both just too one-sided (one extreme to the other). I ranted about something similar on Friendster (yep, it’s been going on for a very long time) and re-posted it on Facebook when that came around. It sounded more like yours, but it gives you the answer to your ‘Why?’ The summary: Average ratio of the world: 4 women to 1 man. Women are naturally inclined to try harder, men aren’t. Vancouver alone is made up of mostly (not all) either complete wusses and/or drug dealers (sometimes they are one of the same) when it comes to men, or snobby bitches when it comes to women. Why? Women are so focused on competing with eachother that they’ve either forgotten what they’re looking for altogether or become intimidating and catty in which all the already wussy guys are then scared shitless…I mean dickless…I mean witless…
    One more thing, it’s also a generational thing. The younger you are, the worse it is. Parents these days aren’t teaching the same morals and values our parents endured in their days (the 30somethings right now are the generation that can fall either way).
    I’m born and raised in Vancouver. I’ve had my share of good encounters and bad encounters (though general lifetime total is still fewer than a few visits to any other country). But fyi to the guys, it only takes ONE bad encounter to ruin it for the rest of you (how many of you have had someone try to pick you up and you told them you were in a relationship and they looked at your hand and said, ‘I don’t see a ring. I still have a chance.’?!?!). So the guys really do need to be more attentive with the ‘When & Where’.
    Lesson learned: No matter what the status of the world’s gender equatlity is, a lady still wants to be treated like a lady (unless she doesn’t, in which she’ll surely inform you), and a man still wants to be the manly man. What I’m trying to say is single people should stop wasting all their energy writing, reading, complaining (I’m aloud to b/c I’m not single)about this crap and start doing something to change it. What did I do? I went on-line. CAREFULLY screened every guy who sent me a message and chose ONE that got my heart-rate thumping. He didn’t waste anytime to meet me. I picked the place (you guessed it, a coffee shop). We hit it off. A few years later I married my manly man. All I have to say now is…Phew! I’m glad I never have to date in Vancouver ever again!

  11. Anonymous

    January 11, 2012 at 8:13 am

    Thank you for this! The other 2 articles simply served to piss me off (whilst missing the big picture entirely). You, on the other hand, nailed it.

  12. Jorge Amigo

    January 11, 2012 at 8:15 am

    Ahhh thank you for writing such a hilarious rebuttal/addendum/whathaveyou to this discussion. More importantly, thank you for calling me out on that disastrous bus ice-breaker. Touché 🙂

    – Jorge Amigo @AmigoJor

  13. Anonymous

    January 11, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    I found your blog through the orignal article, the responses, and just finished reading We All Suck Vancouver which I have to say was both informative and as non-biased as anything else I have read in the past, nice job!

    As a guy that in his early 40’s that has no problem approaching and talking to women I have to say I see the arguement from both sides. I don’t agree with everything that Jorge said, matter of fact I really don’t agree with very much he said.

    The fact of the matter folks is that you really need to grow some balls, take a chance and just talk to the person with respect and honesty. If you want to meet them, go over and introduce yourself, tell them your name, be honest, be real.

    If you take the initiative to meet someone, make sure that you have the time to sit and get to know them a bit before having to leave. If they shoot you down, or don’t want to talk to you thats fine, don’t take it personally, move on…again don’t be a jerk about it. They may be having a bad day that day, and who knows you might run into that person again and they might give you another chance once they realized what happened and had time to think about it. You never know.

    Be yourself, be real, be open to meeting others, take a chance and step out of your comfort level once in a while, you’ll be amazed at what can happen if you take a chance.

    Everyone has feelings, we all sometimes forget this when we respond to others, especially when it comes to people we have never met.

    Please try and remember that it can be very hard for a someone to approach a pretty girl/good looking guy and start a conversation. Take it as a compliment if your the one being approached and be nice to the other person for a change, you can still be nice and say No Thank You, you don’t have to be a Bitch or a Prick to that person, they have the same feelings you do.

    Finally, as the saying goes, “You miss 100% of the chances you don’t take” No one is perfect, but they might be perfect for you!!!!

    KER

  14. 1stLineCenter

    January 11, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    Awesome post. Great thoughts on both genders. What’s wrong with skinny jeans though? They’re comfortable as hell!

  15. 40dates40nights

    January 11, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    Love this Article! You really captured that the problem is on both sides and since the fellas and ladies are both getting some they wont bother changing. Well, change starts with a few people doing the right thing – lets make a choice to try. Ladies be more open and empathetic to the guys efforts, Men be more manly and courageous and in the end Vancouver… you will have a healthy dating life!

    Miss Goodman

    @40dates40nites http://www.40dates40nights.com

  16. Nate

    January 11, 2012 at 11:50 pm

    Great, thanks for the measured response. But could you do me one favour? Increase the line spacing in your comment area (I’m dyin’ here).

  17. Andrea

    January 12, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    Great article, thanks for another great addition to this rather hilarious conversation. However, I am gonna defend @AmigoJor here on the morning bus banter… there are a few of us morning girls around that would love to be chatted up at 7am. A guy that can be coherent at that time of the morning = sexy! That would definitely get my number!

  18. Bret Taylor

    January 12, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    Well done.

  19. Anonymous

    January 13, 2012 at 1:20 am

    Please do not take this as arrogance or bragging. It’s just the facts.

    My girlfriend is 5’10”, ex-model, with gorgeous hair and dresses to the nines to go for coffee. She almost NEVER get’s hit on. She moved here from the US where she told me from the time she gets off the plane in LA to the time she lands back at YVR she is hit on constantly.

    What she told me that is interesting is that they are not marriage proposals, they are just comments and brief interludes. Mostly, guys there are just testing the waters with any woman to see what sticks and if there is anything going on. There is something in that.

    It’s a shotgun approach. It hits everything but it’s effective. And she enjoys the way its done. Every woman might not, but it’s something to think about. Because from what I hear from most women, most guys are not even in the game.

    Ladies. Grouse Grind and biking the seawall? If you think that is interesting and makes you a perfect candidate for Mr. Right, YOU ARE INCORRECT. You might as well say you like long walks on the beach and puppy dogs. Face the facts: you may be attractive, fit, educated and BORING.

    I don’t know what to say about that but I do know the most interesting women I know have full time lives outside of their careers and are interesting because they are passionate about something other that their own asses perkiness. Less yoga, more personal development please. I’d rather here about a mushroom hunting expedition in Stanley Park than the current value of your condo.

    Comment to everyone. Try art shows. Get into Fuse at the VAG, go to little pop up shows in the DTES, get into it. If you don’t know anything about art and you see some guy you like, say something like, “do you know anything about this?” to the first guy you see who looks good and see if anything comes of it. Showing interest, whether intelligent or just naively curious, is a great way to get things started.

    Foreign guys (even just barely foreign, like Toronto) and Interior BC women (the sweetest, most beautiful women on the planet) are the way to go. End rant.

  20. Albert Giesbrecht

    January 13, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    I once had a coffee date with a on-line-friend-of-a friend, and she bought a book with her and read it ignoring me. You just can’t win sometimes. *sigh*

  21. Anonymous

    January 17, 2012 at 5:19 am

    Everyone has missed the absolutely critical point about the pretty sunrise comment! It’s not only before noon, but the sun isn’t even up! NO ONE talks to me before the sun is up unless I’ve already been with them all night. And yeah, you know what I mean. “Pretty sunrise, eh?” from strangers will 9 out of 10 times be met with “Go fuck yourself,” and the other time will be met with a confused look and possibly tears. Otherwise, excellent response, because everyone in Vancouver needs a good slap upside the head.

    • Anonymous

      January 17, 2012 at 9:25 am

      These days the sun doesn’t rise until after 8 am, so I imagine that you don’t work before 8, or you are just an asshole. Which is it?

  22. Anonymous

    January 18, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    I find that both male and females are pretty snooty in Vancouver. I am a friendly person who likes to go out and do things. Even going skiing the stuck up and snooty are in the line up with their noise stuck up in the air. Sports does not usually attract this kind of crowd it is usually more casual and fun. This really is a no fun city and with gay people parading down the street this is satins city and I am going to save to leave because there is nothing but cold hearts.

  23. naturallightgirls

    January 18, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Nice! Have a look at Chris Hall’s response to Katherine Ashenburg here: Do Vancouver Women Blow?

  24. SweaterFreak

    January 23, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    good one. I agree. Women still want men.

    Unfortunately, this man you seek has been killed by feminism some 20-30 years ago and the reality is that we get a man-boy wearing skinny jeans and artsy hat. Numerous books have been written about the rise of female and the fall of masculinity. It’s not just Vancouver, although Vancouver has it really really bad.

  25. SweaterFreak

    January 23, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    The feminism killed the man you want. He doesn’t exist, and if he does he is rare. We have experienced the rise of female and fall of a man and masculinity. So now instead of a man you seek, we get a man-boy wearing skinny jeans and an artsy hat.

    I wouldn’t go for a Vancouver born male. I don’t do the Grind and I like to converse, not freeze in the horizontal rain. I would suggest you snag a freshly arrived out of towner. Worked for me.

  26. Anonymous

    February 1, 2012 at 8:25 am

    Brilliantly posted. Encapsulates the essential thoughts of my 6 years here in Vancouver. Used to live in the prairies, most nicest, down to earth people imaginable and when I came here it felt like social de-evolution. Keep in mind I had no friends from here and distant cousins that lived here. So clique here and people STILL hang onto high school friends like they are the only people you met in your life. I recently was conversing with someone who was close to my parent’s age who lived here most of her life and she admitted it has changed. All I said was “have you been waiting long for the bus?” She goes ” no, and it hasn’t come yet” Later on she says, you aren’t from here are you in a convincing tone…. I think that speaks volumes.

  27. Anonymous

    February 19, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    First of all, Slutmazing is brilliant and hilarious adjective that I hope becomes mainstream. G’job on that term.

    It really is just Vancouver with this weird problem. I just got back from the Middle East. Some of these countries I visited, Lonely Planet wrote that you shouldn’t try talking to the local women because of dishonor and blah blah blah. Yet, despite this, I talked to more attractive women in two nights at separate clubs and cafes than I would in Vancouver in 6-8 months.

    “Because the only thing worse than being rejected?? Is being rejected by a girl who probably would’ve liked you if only she’d known that weren’t trying to be her new bestie.”

    Ah, the catch 22 of the dating scene. A man goes in trying to be the BFF to show the Woman of Interest that he is a friendly, non-threatening guy. He steps it up in aggression, which would be deemed perfectly normal any where else in the world, and the WOI either tenses up in fear or looks like she’s about to pull out her rape whistle. Such is life in the Vancouver dating scene.

  28. eyeCheeky.

    July 18, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    I must say you covered both sides delightfully well! Though you missed the response to be found in bars that I’ve had given and certainly heard more times than I can remember towards other men “Sure you can buy me a drink, but it doesn’t mean I’ll talk to you!”

    So to add a touch further, Vancouverites by and large (but by no means all of them) are materialistic and cold. I spent several months in Montreal and was approached by men and women and offered a drink and asked where I was from, and so on! Invited out to amazing improv groups, and not prompted to go places that cost a small fortune just to get a glass of water! Here – if a person isn’t willing to drop a day’s wages on an evening dinner, they aren’t looked at twice. What ever happened to tea or coffee and a barefoot walk in the sand chatting about everything under the sun?

    I like my ripped jeans. I’m perpetually scruffy. I approach people fairly often – but I’m not asking for phone numbers, I’m looking to make people smile. The cynicism is what gets me! “What does he want? Why is he talking to me? He’s probably this or that.” Do I think “goddamn, would I ever tumble her for an evening and a half!”? Absolutely. But I’m not going to say it. Skinny jeans? Hell no. There’s just something about having the tackle wrapped up and abused like that that I’d rather save for something more productive – say, that hours long tumble that wakes up the neighbours… at the end of the block, followed by a healthy session of catching ones breath.

    So do I agree with your article? Oh yes, I believe obviously so. But women – you sit there and wait for a guy to come to you, you’re going to miss out. It’s time women also stepped up to bat and approached the guys. Sit down beside THEM and say “Hey, my name is…” and start a conversation. It does work both ways.

  29. Roy Marvelous

    November 9, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    Hello, I’m new to Vancouver. So, the men are pansies and the girls are bitches huh?

    I like those odds. Challenge accepted!

  30. Teresa

    November 26, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    I applied for grad school in Vancouver and thsi article just made me wonder..wow..but I guess people get bored from their own ppl..’cuz thats what i think right now from the men in my town and I can’t wait to go to Van :p

  31. Trevor

    December 2, 2012 at 10:11 am

    Well, I’m a pretty reserved and shy guy but I’ve managed to dig down and break the ice with women. After asking dozens out I have not one date to show for it. I did get quite a few numbers but every single one flaked and didn’t answer their phone. I’m not alone, as many guys I’ve talked to experience the same thing. The crazy thing is, if you check missed connection posts occasionally a women will post that a cute guy asked for her number and she was nervous and declined; you just have to face palm at the utter stupidity.

    My conclusion is that Vancouver women are fearful of men and won’t take a chance on a guy if he doesn’t have social proof and isn’t a friend of a friend. So where does this leave me as I am a firm believer in the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I don’t have any eligible women in my social circle. I’ve tried online dating but it’s terrible as the women get so much attention they become extremely picky and the cute ones won’t give me the time of day. All I get is women 5 to 8 years older who are 50 pounds overweight messaging me, so I assume that the girls who are cute are holding out for Brad Pitt with a six figure salary. So my option is grow old alone or move. I’m planning on moving to Calgary in a year. The thing is women tell me I’m handsome all the time. I stay fit and I’m 6’2″ tall with a good career. I’m financially stable and have a condo paid in full; supposedly these are things that women want in a man, so you’d think someone out there would be interested in at least going on a couple of dates with me. The women I work with love me and tell me I’m a great catch and can’t understand why I’m single. It’s just depressing living here. I love my job and have good friends and hobbies I enjoy, but there’s more to life than waking up alone day after day and returning to an empty apartment. So I figure it’s time for drastic measures and a move. Unless I meet someone special in the next year (seems highly unlikely) I’ll be outta here.

  32. Man

    December 18, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    The problem is simple, Vancouver woman (especially under 35) are now social zeroes. Unfortunately you can’t get their attention anymore as they are too self absorbed into one of their stupid electronic gadgets.
    Don’t believe me, just ride the skytrain or any downtown bus and take notice. Perhaps this applies to most men too but I only focus on woman.

    • SSDated

      January 13, 2013 at 1:39 pm

      Stupid electronic gadgets? Sounds a bit like someone has been left behind by the times, no? Maybe instead of looking down upon their interests you could show some curiosity and then they might be interested in talking to you. Just a thought.

  33. Baldheaded Fool

    February 13, 2013 at 5:01 pm

    You dudes think you have it hard in Vancouver – try being male and bald-headed! The only interest women have in me is using my scalp to check their hair and makeup, lol. All kidding aside, I have lived in the states and the coments from men and women are no different there either. Nobody com plains more about men than american women, especially in NYC. I suggest women try Seattle, where men often complain about the “Seattle Freeze” they experience from women. The shortage of women there doesn’t help matters either. The author also made a comment about how men in Spain and other european countries openly flirt with women. if men do that here in north america its called sexual harassment or lewdness. men here have basically been de-programmed from being masculine the last 20 years or so thanks to the new wave of feminism that shuns any behavior that suggests any type of male aggression whatsover. i think the real point is that women are now confused more than ever about what they want from men and in turn men are confused about what to do. i don’t know realistically what can be done to resolve this.

  34. Jesse

    March 1, 2013 at 8:58 am

    Vancouver is and always will be a players city. I’m 6’3, brown hair, blues eyes and very handsome and i don’t have any desire dating any vancouver girl. Like some have said before they are girls trapped in a womans body.

    Most that i’ve played or met are extremely immature, or too demanding or stuck up or just play weird or crazy. There are some nice girls in this city, but they are a dying breed. The scene will never change until the people themselves changed and LOL at that, i don’t see that anywhere in the near future. All of my friends and family say the same thing, i can’t find anyone nice or interesting.. It’s not hard to see why either. The people in Vancouver are unlike anywhere else in the country or the world. Thank god i did meet a nice girl and have 2 amazing kids together, but OMG she wasn’t from here. She was from Regina, SK. And also dating another amazing girls, but OMG again, she wasnt from here, she’s from China and super outgoing and very good with her english. Notice the trend there? Vancouver girls should just give up or be lesbo’s. You’re hopeless.

    • SSDated

      March 26, 2013 at 3:59 pm

      Jesus fuck dude, I hope your kids aren’t girls.

  35. Alan P

    May 8, 2013 at 6:09 pm

    Love love LOVE this. I agree with every word. Just one question though, is it ok to wear skinny jeans if it shows off your package nicely? They don’t have to look gay, it depends how you throw them down.

    Can I add a couple of other considerations?
    1 – Cats. If you’re covered from head to toe and you talk about your cat or have a f*cking cat obsession then I’m moving on… and quickly. I don’t want to share a bed with a cat or dog… and I don’t want to look like shit when I leave your place.
    2 – Stop f*cking saying “like” instead of breathing… and stop ending every sentence like it’s a question. Men of any intellect consider that an obvious sign of mental malnutrition and throw on the Bose to block you.
    3 – If a guy gives you his card… whether you like him or not, say “thank you” and smile warmly. Don’t be a cold tw@ and put him off ever doing it again.
    4 – Women, feel free to say hello first… we would f*cking LOVE that. We;re scared of you bitches and if you give us a clue that you like us you’ll stand out from the crowd instantly.
    5 – Smile and say “hello”… let’s have that as Vancouver code for “Hey… talk to me!”

  36. Nelson

    June 6, 2015 at 10:23 pm

    The good men are already taken by the fierce competition in the city. What I find funny though is how the ugly girls still have the same competitive attitude and high standards as the hot girls.