My days are mostly filled with trying to explain my heartache in metaphors about cheesecake and the Sea
— Victoria Nachos (@SSDated) May 13, 2014
Which is to say that I ate everything, and now I am drowning.
— Victoria Nachos (@SSDated) May 14, 2014
If all the stories I write (at least the good ones, in so much as I am even willing to consider any of them good)…
If all the stories I write are really just my stories…
If all the stories that I write are based on what’s happening but absolutely nothing is happening…
How can I justify staying in this city and prolonging this summer?
If I’m not creating any stories (except for one about the kind of sobbing that should be reserved for death but is instead being appropriated for worthlessness and the lonely)…
If you can’t forgive yourself, how can you ever expect your student loan to forgive you?
If all the stories are mine…
If I’m the owner of nothing…
If I have more degrees than men who have ever loved me…
If I have the same amount of tears as number of men who want to fuck me but maybe not openly, not in public, not like I’m worth something, not like a human being, a piece of this earth, a part of our whole, not like I could make them laugh or think or be anything other than something not worth mentioning.
If I was ever more than just a whore on the internet…
This devolution, the spiral like a drill bit, these ants crawling around in my lungs and inside my calves.
How do you not let the disappointment crush you like a bread truck, or a freight train, or the compounding interest on your student loan?
This heart like an IKEA futon.
If all the stories I write are really just my stories then leaving Montreal a month early won’t change that. Whether I’m running away or being a financially responsible adult, the result will be the same. Time will pass. And somewhere in this lull I will find a way to pull it all back together (I have to find a way to pull it all back together).
The stories after all, if they’re mine, will come with me. (She whispers, “you have to come with me”).
Latest posts by Victoria Young (see all)
- A Series of Men Lying About Inches - January 14, 2018
- How to Have a Fake Affair with a Real Celebrity (NOW AVAILABLE FOR DIGITAL DOWNLOAD) - July 22, 2017
- How I Changed the Mind of a Sexist Jerk on OKCupid - August 15, 2016
- How to Give a Passive Aggressive Handjob (now available for digital download) - August 4, 2016
- Something She Said now has a Newsletter - March 4, 2016