Sexual Chemistry: Can Attraction and Chemistry Develop Over Time?

I can't believe I went out with him

 

So I have this theory about attraction.  As it relates to me.  And my ability to control it.  Manipulate it.  Make it do what I want.  Conjure it out of nothing.  Squash it when it’s inconvenient.  Play with it.  Like a kitten with a ball.  Bat it about.  Like a scientist.  With beakers and formulas.  Recipes and hypotheses.  Baking a cake of attraction.  Mixing a compound of chemistry.

Now here’s the thing of the thing.  I’ve been boy crazy since as long as I can remember.  Crushes form quickly and often without substantiating factors.  Sometimes crushes last for awhile.  Especially if there’s limited interaction to foil the mystery.  Sometimes they last for mere days.  hours.  minutes.  But see a crush is just a crush.  A moment of chemistry.  A hint of attraction.  For a boy to have staying power is a whole other issue entirely.  While I may be crush-slutty I’m a long-term connection prude.  It takes a lot to keep me interested in the long run.  But then again.  To me.  That makes total sense.  Most people seem to be the complete opposite.  Once they like you.  They really like you.  But for me.  In the beginning.  Dating is just.  Attraction (not always physical).  Sexual tension.  Chemistry.  Kindness and them being a gentleman.  Honestly.  A guy with the right moves and social protocol no matter how little potential for future liking, could easily keep himself in the mix at the beginning.

Additionally I should probably mention.  I’m fairly certain I’m attracted to a high percentage of males.  The reason I say “fairly certain” is because after all “high” is a relative term and I would need to know the statistics on the rate of attraction other females feel for said number of males to really truly know.  Science and Dating.  Just Sayin’.  But even without full on stats.  I can guess.  That while other ladies might have the potential attraction for say 3 in 10 guys.  My number is likely more like 7 in 10.  I think *(stats hypothesized on IRL seeing of guys…not online dating photos as results may definitely vary with that).

So now that you have all these little tidbits of info about me.  I should tell you.  I’ve always kind of felt I have control over the attraction I feel towards others.  I can amp it up.  Play it up.  Make it more than it might be in and of itself.  And I can also chill it the fuck out, rein it the fuck in and gear it the fuck down.  Like a fucking scientist on the loose, I can both mix up chemistry from nothing and dilute chemistry into nothing.

So here we are.  Several paragraphs into this blog post and I bet you’re thinking.  What the fuck is she talking about?  Where is this going?  What does this have to do with anything?  And here’s the tie in.  Also it may help answer some questions about why TheNickName got as far as he did and *spoiler alert* even further than I’ve told you about thus far *hides face in shame*.

So like I was saying in The Wall: A Story of Dysfunction.  I was attracted to The Nick Name.  But it ebbed and flowed.  Every time a date was scheduled excitement fed the desire.  Every time a date was cancelled the desire was dashed and the interest waylaid.  It was, to all appearances, as if I controlled it.  Manipulated it.  Conducted it like a symphony.  The truth is.  It’s not like there was some kismet connection.  He was just a nice guy.  With a voice I drooled over.  Don’t ask.  I have no idea why.  And he thought I was smart.  And funny.  And hot.  And of course he was a grown up.  And taller than me.  And not socially retarded.  And so like I told you guys (and TheHel) already.  No I wouldn’t say he was hot.  But yes I would say I was attracted to him.  Because I wanted to be.  Because being attracted to him was serving a purpose at this point.  Making me happy.

So while the window for dating was closed and the wall to protect me was erected…there was still room for.  Well.  Let’s just say not every door had closed on The Nick Name.  And it was in just under a week from his last texts about this time of year being too busy to start dating but that it’ll happen with us at some point when he stuck his foot in the very last door left open for him.  So take notes boys.  Whether it’s a good thing or not.  The way back in.  With a lady.  Is having paid attention.  Having listened to her conversation.  Because though likely a bullshit move.  Remembering shit.  Wins points.  Real talk.

The day my exams ended.  TheNickName remembered.  And texted

Yay, school is over for two weeks.  Howd Shakespeare go?  Enjoy your time off!!!

Amazing I said Hit it outta the park.  How are things with you?

And so he replied
That’s awesome for you! Atta girl!  Things are good, just stupid busy during this time of the year with work and Xmas functions.  Talk soon!

I felt no need to respond further.  No questions were asked so I wasn’t being impolite.  If he wanted anything.  He’d have to be making the moves.  Clear moves.

 

Vancouver Dating Blog:  Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One “Something” at a Time

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Victoria Young

Writer. Dater. Masturbator. Don't worry my parents don't think I'm funny either. Grad Student. My breasts aren't ashamed of me either. You and me kid, we're going to change this world.

5 Comments

  1. Matt79

    January 2, 2011 at 10:58 am

    I’ve pondered those stats too – I’d say I’m potentially attracted to maybe 6 out of 10 women. The stat which I’d love to know is: what percentage of women are potentially attracted to me? Insufficient data is available on this.

  2. Lifebeginsat30ty

    January 2, 2011 at 11:48 am

    Hm, I think I have the opposite problem in that I am attracted to very few. But yes, someone I may be meh about can go up in attraction level by being a gentleman and interesting. Because the greatest sexual organ in the body is the brain, yes? 😉

    TheNickName is a douche. I’d delete him from my phone.

  3. "Just Sayin....."

    January 2, 2011 at 11:56 pm

    bahahahahah Crush Slutty! I’m so going to use that!

  4. Geekin' Hard

    January 4, 2011 at 1:55 am

    Just let me speak for most men here when I tell you that we fucking hate douche-bags like Nick. So anything I have to say would have to be taken with massive doses of salt at this point and I don’t want to mess with your sweet arteries. But… Nick. douche. Curb. Kick.

  5. Something She Dated

    January 7, 2011 at 5:01 am

    Matt: haha so true. I’d love to know the stats on who’s attracted to me. Seriously. In fact I’d like they all rounded up and put in a room for me to pick and choose from. Asking too much?

    Life: “TheNickName is a douche. I’d delete him from my phone.” < ---Priceless! Just Sayin’: Good right?!?! And the best part is it’s true…I’m totally a crush slut. Real talk. Geekin’ Hard: From a guy’s perspective…what about TheNickName makes him a douche (or his behavior douchey)…it’s always interesting to hear another perspective…and don’t worry I can handle a little salt 😛