My Kingdom for an H: Another Dating Disaster

You won’t believe it.  I mean you really won’t believe it.  And yet I knew who it was before Alice Cooper had even sung his second  poison…your poison running through my veins (my ringtone).  Okay well technically I can’t really claim I knew because well how do you test for that once everything has become hindsight-style…but logic aside…I fucking knew.

6 weeks since 2nd date with Garbage Man (aka Houdini)
2 weeks since last contact with him
1.5 weeks since The TEDisaster
1 week since taking down all dating profiles in an effort to have complete focus on schoolwork till the end of term paper madness and final exams
4 weeks until all term papers are due and final exams will be over

Regardless of the time that had passed and TEDisasters that had happened and the fact that I DO (I swear) have friends that could be texting me.  I knew it was him.  From another room.  I knew.  And there it was.  A text message from none other than….Garbage Man

But wait…it gets better…the text message was the most brilliant piece of articulate literature you will ever encounter in your life.  No? You don’t beleive me?  Surely you expect something high caliber and exsquisite from the man that brought you bison in bed?  Still no?  You have such low expectations of a man who couldn’t manage to deliver a third date inside a 4 month window?  Okay so you’re right.  The text said this:


Need me to repeat that?


Still not quite clear?  It’s a fucking H.  Now I know we’ve had our share of technical difficulties in the past and I will readily admit that Telus Mobility is single-handedly trying to ruin my social life with its unreliability but seriously?

And here’s where it all goes downhill.  And I mean really downhill.  Not like the downhill you’ve seen already but like watersliding down a zero gravity shoot downhill.  Because I can clearly CLEARLY see now that I should have just walked away (metaphorically) and deleted that retarded*(see video below) H (literally) but I’m a student of curiousity and I couldn’t fathom not finding out what the deal was.  So I responded (please save all jugement and ridicule till the end).

Me:  You might want to resend that because all I got was an H.

no response.

I decide to just call because I don’t have the patience to await a text response.

no answer.  I don’t leave a message.

Are you fucking serious?  Now don’t get me wrong…I’ve sent a text message or two to my friends and then gone into a class or a movie or something.  But seriously…to a chick you’re trying to get?  That screams stupid to me…but I digress.

15-20 minutes go by and I get a text.

Him: Hey SSD.  Sorry I’m just making dinner.  How are u?  Can I call you after I eat about an hour?

I find this mind boggling.  Not only have has he been a total fucking retard basically since right after the first date but now he texts only to then ask me to wait for him?  Why did you ever bother texting!!!???!!

But that’s not what I say.  I tell him sure.  call me at home.

And now I feel the need to reiterate something I may or may have not mentioned before that may or may not make me look like slightly less of a ridiculously stupid girl who puts up with stupid stuff and then wonders why stupid stuff keeps happening.  I had a mega love relationship.  Mega love did not conquer all.  Mega love lost.  I got over the mega love but could not be less interested in finding new mega love again right now.  I just want to date.  I’ve never really dated before.  I want to go out and have lots and lots of fun (don’t read: super slutty…I mean actual clothes on 80s summer activies fun…mini-golf go carts batting cages fun).  Thus because I’m not looking for a husband to be…I’ve set the sights a little lower…though I like to think of it as being less judgmental also known as being breezy.  Add to that the scarring first date that was the TEDisaster and you could say I might be putting up with a little more than I normally would in an effort not to have to have a first date.  now back to the show…

He calls.  It’s a little awkward at first…mainly because I don’t feel any inclination to make this particularly easy for him by being my chatty self and also because frankly I’m waiting for some kind of explanation of why he’s so ridiculous.  He doesn’t offer one up.

I was recently having a conversation with a friend who brought it to my attention that not everyone thinks like I do.  In fact most don’t.  I personally find this hard to understand (clearly I do everything the best and right way) and yet its believable (this would certainly explain other drivers) that not everybody owns a copy of my rule book (a whole other blog post forthcoming soon).  Something worth considering.  Perhaps something I should mention.

So I do mention it to him.  In a nice way.  That I can’t stand un-responsive (non-responsive, irresponsive?) people.  In hindsight I should have been even more specific…I generally feel that there is a 4 hour window for text messages that require a response.  Yes there are exceptions.  Lots of them in fact.  But if you’re trying to date me…you’d do well to get back to me quickly…it’s that simple.

I balls-out ask why he didn’t call in the last 2 weeks or more so the 2 before that.  He offers up some bullshit about figuring some stuff out and basically the jist is that he’s miserable at his job, it’s really hard on his body blah blah blah.

So here’s the thing of the thing…just as I let certain things slide because I’m not looking for a relationship…I’m also specifically NOT INTERESTED in other things.  Case in point:  him getting his life together, his trials and tribulations, you get the idea.  Now this may paint a bitchy picture of me but well…it’s not like I put long term on my dating profile and when asked I’m pretty honest…I want fun fun fun not work work work.

So we talk for a bit more.  He wants to hang out.  I explain that though last month (ya know…when he was dickin’ around with bullshit) I was free as a bird but now I’m solid booked with school for the next month…till exams are over.  He accepts this.  Tells me it’s his bday the day after my last exam.  Suggests we hang out.  (hope he doesn’t expect a present lol!).  I come to this conclusion.  I’ll be putting in no effort.  I’ll be focused on school.  If he wants to keep in touch that’s his work to do and he’s more than welcome to try.  Perhaps this is really ONLY his 2nd chance since this is the first time I really explained…this is how I operate.  We’ll see.

to be continued…

*Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One Something at a Time*
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Victoria Young

Writer. Dater. Masturbator. Stop ruining my jokes by believing the self-deprecation. I am far greater than your boner will ever know.

2 Replies to “My Kingdom for an H: Another Dating Disaster”

  1. Uh…doesn’t sound like to me you are having fun with this guy. Date all you want, play all the put-put you can take, but let it be with guys that make you feel good and don’t pull this shit! ~From someone who knows 😉

  2. I admire your honesty, and I think that it’s great that you told him the truth. I can’t stand nonresponsiveness (lack of responsiveness, anti-responsiveness) either, but I never have the guts to say anything–kudos to you!

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