This Has Been a Big MisTINDERstanding!

Tinder

 

*Disclaimer:  there are lots of amazing, intelligent, enlightened, fantastic men out there (Unfortunately, for me, I’m related to most of the ones I know).  But seriously, I always hope that when I write these ranty bits that men who are awesome are just like phew! I’m awesome! (but are also a little embarrassed about humanity, as I am).

I have to admit that Tinder has me stumped.  I heard this rumor that it was a dating app, however, all evidence has been to the contrary — showing me that meh it’s probably not.  That being said, I still don’t really believe it’s a hook-up app…

Because I can’t believe anyone would have sex with the majority of these dudes!

And before you think I’m some awful judgmental bitch (I mean I probably am, but not for this), I should mention that it has nothing to do with looks.  The men who match and contact me are all mostly of one type — the absolute fucking dumbest.  This, in turn, brings up a greater issue, which is–why aren’t men more ashamed of themselves and embarrassed to be stupid and boring? (but we’ll deal with this one another time).

And while I understand the whole impetus to say bullshit nonsense like boys will be boys and dudes just want to get their dicks wet um is that really all we’re capable of a species?  I don’t understand why the world expects me to be pretty, and fit, and sexy, and smart, don’t forget funny, and interesting, kind and considerate, a real cutie pie, to smile all the time, except when I’m crying over a man obviously, gracious, empathetic, and great at all things sex related…but dudes can just be pieces of shit and no one seems to care because cock and balls and stuff.

The one upside to Tinder, so far, has been the ego boost.  For those of you who sometimes doubt your own attractiveness, Tinder may just be the thing you need.  Even while being selective (at least I think I am, I guess I’d need to sit side by side someone else making the same observations to know if I find men, on the whole, too attractive but generally speaking I’m probably swiping right for about 1 in every 20-40 guys), and with that being said I still managed to find myself somewhere around 700 matches.  Now, don’t get too excited…of those 700 matches, I probably get a message from maybe 50% (the other 50% I’m assuming were either drunk when they swiped, or didn’t realize I was as chubby as I am till they saw the other pictures).  Nonetheless, and maybe you guys are all getting way more matches or something but whatever, that’s way more men than I thought would find me attractive.

Now, I can practically hear you saying it Why don’t you just get off this app if you hate it so much?

Welp.  Because nothing is ever ALL bad, except maybe cilantro (blech! that shit tastes like handsoap!)  But, I have this fucked up sense of hope that I’ve just had bad luck thus far.  And that maybe all the really awesome guys who don’t think I’m just a piece of shit vagina that isn’t worthy of their most basic sense of decency are just around the corner.

OR…at the very least that somewhere along the way I’ll figure out why these guys are all so awful and so completely and entirely okay with that.  Either or.

Have you had some great experiences with Tinder?  Are you banging chicks left and right or meeting all the dudes that I wish I was for some great sex?  Are you the girl I thought I was but apparently no longer am who can just message up a hot dude and go meet for a drink and a fuck and have the time of your life?  If so, I want to hear all about it (but be forewarned, I’m skeptical as fuck, and will likely want to see some kind of proof lol I’m such an asshole but whatever, you still kinda love me right?!?!) anyway…email me at SomethingSheSaid@gmail.com if you want to share your story.  XOXOXOXO – Victoria

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Victoria Young

Writer. Dater. Masturbator. Don't worry my parents don't think I'm funny either. Grad Student. My breasts aren't ashamed of me either. You and me kid, we're going to change this world.

2 Comments

  1. Ty Knighten

    May 6, 2014 at 3:06 pm

    LMAO! This post had me cracking up! It’s funny because recently during a lunch date with my girlfriends, this app came up as a topic of conversation. I thought my friends were crazy! I mean, we are women in our later 30’s and early 40’s! WTH are they doing on that site? I may have to take a peek after reading this because hey, who doesn’t want an ego boost?

  2. Daron Dang

    December 29, 2014 at 10:01 am

    I’ve been reading your articles for a now and I just have to tell you that I love your stuff 🙂

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