Post First Date: Who Should Make the First Move?

Dating Questions

Something She Said

Stories about sex and dating, screenshots of sexist online dating messages, murder jokes, elaborately long fruit puns–you never quite know what you’re going to get.

Who should text after the first date?

How long should you wait to contact someone after a first date?

Do you have to wait for him to contact you? 

I am a 32 year old woman and, no joke, I actually typed these queries into Google search the day after my first date with the Scientist.  With most of the men I’ve dated I’ve come to realize that no texty means no likey and that they want to be the one pursuing things.  But with a highly educated enlightened dude does all that stuff still apply?  And there I found myself googling dating advice (because though in some areas of dating I know my stuff, this was new territory and I just didn’t know).

The results of my search were all pretty clear:  go ahead and text him, these days guys like not having to always be the one making the first contact.  But, is this really true?  Do guys want you to make the effort to contact them?  Or is it really just in a dream scenario that every guy is hoping Megan Fox is looking up their numbers and calling them to declare her love?  And at that point it’s not really about who called whom first but instead that of course everyone wants someone fucking amazing to call them.  I mean hell, I barely know who Megan Fox is and I’d take her call.  But I digress.

Nonetheless, some of these commenters made some valid points, if only in theory, and given the Scientist being the enlightened nerdy guy I had gathered him to be, I figured what the hell.

 

And so I texted.

 

At 8pm on a Friday night.  (cringe).

 

Hey 🙂

 

And then I waited…

 

And I waited…

 

(I mean technically I got some work done, watched some TV, etc., but you get the idea).

 

I mean it was radio fucking silence.

 

No biggie though, I thought, maybe he’s busy and he’ll respond tomorrow or something.

 

But then tomorrow came and there was no text.  I was bummed.  I mean, I had thought our first date had gone really well, what with all the conversation and kissing and stuff.  Then again, Skinny Jeans had kissed me on our first (and last) date and had even gone out of his way to say it was good, only to never ask me out again.

 

Sidenote:  What is the deal with boys who don’t like me kissing me?

 

And just when I thought I had been unceremoniously rejected after my 2nd first date in a week’s time, I got a text from him that read:

Hey! 🙂  Sorry, crazy day yesterday, nonstop till 1am.  Did you have a good time on Thursday?

and then right away another message

By the way, do you have plans tomorrow evening?

I said that I’d had a good time, and asked if he had as well, and then said that no, I had nothing planned the following night.  To which, he responded:

It was very nice to meet you.  I really enjoyed our conversation.  I wanted to invite you over for dinner at my place.  Let me know if you would like to come.

And just like that…a second date was born.  Was it a good idea that I texted?  Who knows.  Would he have texted me in his own time if I hadn’t?  I have no idea.  What I’m saying is, while I can advise boys on how to stop being losers while online dating, I haven’t a fucking clue about the rest of this stuff.

WISH ME LUCK!!

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Victoria Young

Writer. Dater. Masturbator. Don't worry my parents don't think I'm funny either. Grad Student. My breasts aren't ashamed of me either. You and me kid, we're going to change this world.

3 Comments

  1. Gina

    October 30, 2013 at 7:58 pm

    I often struggle with this thought as well, I feel like things have changed a lot since the last time I was actually “Dating”. Glad to hear you got your second date!

  2. nessa

    October 5, 2014 at 6:31 pm

    I’m not relationship expert but that doesn’t sound like a date invite to me. You text him he says ooh long day yesterday it was so crazy…I call be then says I wanted to invite you over to my house for dinner lol. I would have stopped right there. Second date at his place major red flag and a big no no. He doesn’t like you just thinks if you actually fall for it he might have some use in having you around. Wanna come over for dinner amwatch movies and cuddle your setting yourself up for becoming a future booty call but that’s just my opinion. Basically it all boils down to no you should not have contacted him. If a man wants you trust and believe he will make contact.

  3. Confused

    September 13, 2016 at 10:11 am

    Hmm hoping for some advise .. Met this guy online great first date .. Definitely some chemistry .. Even danced a little .. There were about 4 different times we almost kissed but I was hesitant because it would have lead to way more and gone to far ..and I want to know him better … Which I informed him of.We did however get a little drunk and very flirtatious but and at the end of the night he wanted to continue with snuggles at his place .. but I chose to leave and left with a short kiss .. I text him when I got home .. That It was so nice spending time with him .. He replied It was fun!! Thanks for coming out, it was a good night!.. And I replied xo mister .. It’s been 4 days I have heard nothing .. When previously last week talking to him for about 4 days straight through out the day before I initiated getting together for drinks .. ( I made contact with him online first ) . Sooo what is the way to play my cards right ? I don’t think I should call him text him first .. I’ve already done that .. My last text was definitely an open invitation to call me .. He knows I had a good time ..I was riding on a high after the date .. Now I find myself thinking WTF why isnt he pursuing me .. Hmm Help~

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