Say FRIENDZONED again. I dare you.
Say it like it’s the worst thing that could ever happen to you, that I might open my heart and not my legs.
Say it like I owe you something, like this world took too much from you and I am a part of the repayment plan.
Put a value on my smile.
Assign my hips a scale.
Hug me, but only if you’re hiding a boner.
Say FRIENDZONED like a campaign slogan, hold the antagonism high above your head, an evil you’re working against.
Make sure you’re feeling elitist though, as if the impetus that tells you I’m worthless unless we’re fucking isn’t the same impetus of rapists.
Don’t rest your chair so high. The pants you wear are a common size.
Say it to my face so I hear it. So I get to see who you really are.
Say I already have enough friends only minutes after cooing compliments in my ear.
Say I really want you. I think you’re amazing. A real cool chick. I want to put my face in your lap for hours.
Say But it’s whatever you want, I’m cool if we’re just friends. We can just write jokes together and hang out. No pressure. I want you, but it’s cool if we’re just friends.
And then I say the words. I think we should just be friends, for now. I don’t have to add the for now, you don’t own my heart and my desire and my future. But I say it anyway because in this one scenario, this one time, there is possibility. You came back into my life after being away for too long and I just need a fucking minute to acclimate. So I say the words you offer, as a pause point, a breather I need to take.
No sooner are the words off my lips then you’re chugging back your beer and holding out a twenty thinking it chivalrous to shuffle me home in a cab. I have enough friends you spit like an accusation. You are not a gentleman, you are a monster.
Call the next day to apologize. Call everyday for a week. Never leave a message. Text to ask if I’ll only just listen to your apology, hear the pain in your voice. It doesn’t much matter now, I have seen who you are.
So go ahead and say it. FRIENDZONED. (as I slide all your options off the table)
Latest posts by Victoria Young (see all)
- A Series of Men Lying About Inches - January 14, 2018
- How to Have a Fake Affair with a Real Celebrity (NOW AVAILABLE FOR DIGITAL DOWNLOAD) - July 22, 2017
- How I Changed the Mind of a Sexist Jerk on OKCupid - August 15, 2016
- How to Give a Passive Aggressive Handjob (now available for digital download) - August 4, 2016
- Something She Said now has a Newsletter - March 4, 2016