Say FRIENDZONED Again. I Dare You.


Say FRIENDZONED again.  I dare you.

Say it like it’s the worst thing that could ever happen to you, that I might open my heart and not my legs.

Say it like I owe you something, like this world took too much from you and I am a part of the repayment plan.

Put a value on my smile.

Assign my hips a scale.

Hug me, but only if you’re hiding a boner.

Say FRIENDZONED like a campaign slogan, hold the antagonism high above your head, an evil you’re working against.

Make sure you’re feeling elitist though, as if the impetus that tells you I’m worthless unless we’re fucking isn’t the same impetus of rapists.

Don’t rest your chair so high.  The pants you wear are a common size.

Say it to my face so I hear it.  So I get to see who you really are.

Say I already have enough friends only minutes after cooing compliments in my ear.

Say I really want you.  I think you’re amazing.  A real cool chick.  I want to put my face in your lap for hours.

Say But it’s whatever you want, I’m cool if we’re just friends.  We can just write jokes together and hang out.  No pressure.  I want you, but it’s cool if we’re just friends.

And then I say the words.  I think we should just be friends, for now.  I don’t have to add the for now, you don’t own my heart and my desire and my future.  But I say it anyway because in this one scenario, this one time, there is possibility.  You came back into my life after being away for too long and I just need a fucking minute to acclimate.  So I say the words you offer, as a pause point, a breather I need to take.

No sooner are the words off my lips then you’re chugging back your beer and holding out a twenty thinking it chivalrous to shuffle me home in a cab.  I have enough friends you spit like an accusation.  You are not a gentleman, you are a monster.

Call the next day to apologize.  Call everyday for a week.  Never leave a message.  Text to ask if I’ll only just listen to your apology, hear the pain in your voice.  It doesn’t much matter now, I have seen who you are.

So go ahead and say it.  FRIENDZONED.  (as I slide all your options off the table)

Never Leave the Party Early: Or, Why I Tell Guys I’m Dating About the Blog

[dropcap]I hate[/dropcap] to leave a party early.  Literally.  Metaphorically.  Consistently.  I hold strong to this.  I’m committed.  It’s vital.  Fucking integral.  To my happiness.  I never leave a party early.  I’d hate to have to leave a party early.  Don’t make me leave the party early.

It has something to do with opportunities.  A fear of missed opportunities I think.  You see.  I don’t believe in God.  And I don’t believe in fate or destiny.  Life just happens.  And it’s beautiful.  But that’s it.  Ebb and flow.  Tide comes in.  Tide goes out.  Life carries on.  So the fun won’t wait for me.  Won’t hold strong for me to return.  So I feel a need to be there for it.  Squeeze as much out of the lemon as I can.  Drink it all.  Laugh at it all.  Take pictures to remember it all.  Love.  Every.  Goddamn.  Minute.  Of it all.  Every moment is the time of my life.  So you can see.  How I wouldn’t want to leave a party early.  How I wouldn’t want burn a bridge between me and fun.  Even.  Just.  Hypothetical-chance-it-might-happen kind of fun.  Dating.  Is sort of like that for me.  The not wanting to leave early.

Now don’t get me wrong.  When dating goes bad.  When lusting goes sour.  When hanging out becomes not fun.  I’m ready to throw in the towel.  Cut the ripcord.  Burn that mother down.  But when it goes.  Just.  Nowhere.  Maybe to a let’s just be friends kind of place or a booty call passionate nights kind of thing.  When it goes there.  I don’t know.  I just feel.  A flaw compulsion not to end things.  So permanently.  I feel compelled to offer a tie.  A hand.  An olive branch.  To be like.  Yeah you screwed up, you lost me.  But obvs. it wasn’t a good fit.  No biggie.  Maybe you’re retarded.  Maybe I’m retarded.  Hopefully one day we’ll both find someone we can be crazy for (fix links).  And so I wish you the best.  No hard feelings.  We’re straight.

And that’s why I tell them.  About the blog.  That’s why.  I show them a piece of me.  Let me in a little.  Let them see a little.  Give them a place of contact.  A point of reference.  I won’t push them out of the party early.  I won’t leave the party early.  And we don’t have to talk to each other.  But at the very least we can still share a bag of chips.  Share the possibility of cotton candy.  Share the potential for a joke.

So it’s not about showing them what they did wrong.  Or revealing how they might have hurt me.  It’s not even really about them.  It’s just about life.  And people.  Them and me.  Us.  Divided by a bridge.  That I won’t light a match over.  Even if at first they think my words are the thing doing that for me.  This blog.  Holds strong.  Because after all.  When the dating profiles get taken down.  In a world where I still maintain some privacy over my facebook.  And major privacy over my home phone number.  And have a cell phone that is both unreliable and maintains an often changing number.  It is a link.  Keeping a presence.  Holding a place.  For contact.  For a joke.  For a smile.  For the fun at the party.  Mind the Gap.  And never leave the party early.


Vancouver Dating Blog:  Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One “Something” at a Time

She Says I’m Stubborn Like It’s a Bad Thing

I can't believe I went out with him

You’re stubborn. You’ve actually been really stubborn with all the boys this summer

My friend.  Says this.  A week after I wrangle a reason out of Trucker Joe for the continued attention but discontinued physical contact also known as date #7 .  We’re having coffee and I’m trying to wrap my head around this whole being friends with Trucker Joe thing.  Because the thing of the thing is.  When I left his place.  He had me fully convinced that he thought I was the awesomest of all awesome chicks but that he just didn’t love me and was still all messed up from his divorce.  But here I was a week later.  After 7 weeks in a row where he had made the effort/date all but one time.  With excited utterings of friendship fresh on my ears.  And no contact.  Okay well almost none.

On our last date I told him I had gone to Lady Gaga the night before.  He didn’t know who she was.  I know.  I know.  That should have been a dealbreaker right there.  But I digress.  So I posted a video.  A little…Poker Face.  On his page.  And he responded by thanking me.  And saying something like he actually didn’t even mind it that much lol.  But aside from that nothing.  And here I am thinking.  Hmm.  Was what he said all bullshit?  Because even since getting home that night it hadn’t sat quite right.  I mean.  I get not wanting to be in a relationship because your divorce fucked you up.  But not wanting to say…bang away the pain…I’d never even really heard of a guy being like that.  But maybe.  I mean I’m sure.  I guess it’s possible.  And the split did seem awfully traumatic.  But still.  I mean really?  So I tried to ignore those thoughts.  Because they always say you should take a person at their word.

And here it was a week later.  With no real contact.  No asking how are you?  No making plans to hang out.  As friends obviously.  But for a guy to spend 7 weeks hanging out with me because he thought I was just that awesome it would seem weird to suddenly cease the contact.  Because.  I mean.  I’d understand hanging out that long if you’re getting laid.  But to spend that much time with someone you just want to be buddies with?  That’s just bizarre.  I probably should take him at his word that he thinks I’m that awesome.  Yes no?  And that’s when my friend piped in.  About how stubborn I am.  About how stubborn I’ve been all summer with the “somethings“.

So I decide.  If we’re doing the buddy thing afterall.  I’ll just contact him.  Because that’s what buddies do.  They don’t sit around allowing the other buddy to make the first contact.  They’re friends.  They just dial it up.  So that’s what I did.  Well sort of.  I mean.  No dialing.  Just facebooking.

SSD August 31 at 1:14pm
Hey kiddo 🙂
What’s new? How was your week?

Trucker Joe August 31 at 1:33pm
good SSD…. how r u???? i’m sorry bout things, i didn’t mean to b cruel and i didn’t think u were that into me,i didnt want to lead u on in anyway i just really liked hanging with u…. altho i like reading the blog, (u can be F.N. hilarious) i feel like a bit of a heel after reading it:(

what u been up to?

SSD August 31 at 1:53pm
Aww I wish we were having this conversation in person…because I don’t really know how to ease your burden without just saying the truth (which then makes me sound like a total jackass lol)…but basically don’t sweat it…and you were right…I wasn’t that into you…okay that came out wrong…it wasn’t like I wasn’t into you…but it’s not like I was into you either…I mean we barely know each other still…

Things to remember about me:

1. I’m not like other chicks (who are quick to think there’s a connection, fall in like, in love, etc. get super intense and all those other shenannigans)

2. Writing…is writing. Sometimes it gets dressed up. Sometimes it gets dressed down. It’s still the truth. Just better.

But seriously…don’t sweat it…bear in mind how I talk about “the hot guy from my gym” or the comments on that picture my friend just tagged of me on here of this swoony security gaurd…these are boys I’ve never EVEN talked to and my reaction to them…ya know…sometimes talk is just talk 🙂 because it’s fun…and this is my summer of fun ya know?

So is this why there’s been a lack of harassment on your part to hang out with me?…

Trucker Joe August 31 at 2:28pm
lol…. no i’m on nights for a while sooo my sched has changed a bit….. when i’m back too days i’d like to buy u a coffee or something….

the blog is awesome, i like to read it, u r soo talented and as u say it some of that shit is funny:)

SSD August 31 at 5:26pm
Sounds good….and thanks my blog aims to please 😛

So I do have to ask though…before we get too deep into the friendzone and it becomes weird to talk about…but I can’t not ask…A…because I’m a curious person…B. because my readers will ask and I’ll need something to explain it 😛

What was with the kissing? like…if you’re not attracted to me…why was there any kissing? Was it just a case of…well…I’ll just give it a try and hope an attraction to her grows? Did my one time mention of it via text make you feel super pressured or something? Did you just do it as some sort of misguided attempt to placate me so that I wouldn’t stop hanging out with you? Another reason I haven’t thought of? And honestly I’m asking in the most non-critical but super curious…I have to know the answer to things kind of way 🙂

Anyways hope the night shifts aren’t too brutual for ya 🙂

Radio Silence. 

Dead Air.  

The end of days kind of quiet.

Even the crickets stopped moving.


Vancouver Dating Blog:  Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One “Something” at a Time