It seems so simply, so easy, so…
totally and completely fucking unattainable?
And the irony is that I’m actually not asking for the world. Your questions don’t have to be of Pulitzer Prize winning caliber. They don’t have to be inventive or intuitive. They don’t need to be exciting or exculpatory. They just need to be present. Occurring. Is this really happening? Yes, we are on a date and asking each other questions.
The truth is childhood prepared me for dating, and I don’t really understand how there are so many boys who missed the test prep of their youths. You see, when all else fails, when you’re nervous and shy, when your mind goes blank and it takes all your strength not to simply bolt for the door…the shadow game will save you.
I ask so where did you grow up?
You tell me.
Silence ensues. This, is your cue. It’s so simple. Why are you making it so difficult?
You say where did you grow up?
Sigh of relief. And now I get to talk and fill the silence with the first chapter of my story, I was born in…
And when I’m done talking I’ll wait for a moment. Just in case there was something you wanted to interject with. Maybe you’ve become less shy. Maybe some exciting thought leapt to the front of your mind while I was all a-babble. But if not, that’s cool. I’ll ask another, admittedly borderline tedious, question but the point is we’re just getting used to each other, it’s not yet time to find out about the traumatic experience you had when you were 15, tedious will suffice for the moment.
I ask so, do you like camping, and what are your thoughts on the sport of mini-golf?
Silence ensues. Again, this is your cue. Come up with something new or simply play the shadow game. Repeat back what I asked. Ask me what I’ve just asked you. It doesn’t even require any real thought. Just say the words. Why can’t you do this? Why don’t you know how this works? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!
You ask so, what about you, do you like camping, and what are your thoughts on the sport of mini-golf?
And that’s how it works. A functioning conversation. The flow of a first date. Things that are endlessly easy for $200, Alex. And yet…and yet…I keep going on these dates or having these online dating message and/or texting conversations that are more work than pulling taffy in the winter.
So what is it? Am I unworthy of conversation in the eyes of these boys? Are men (correction: the men who like me) incapable of even the smallest modicum of intelligence and/or common sense? Are these dudes stretched so thin with their expansive pursuit of women that asking a few questions falls under the “too much effort” category? Have the boys lost all their sense of curiosity?
And before anyone responds with something like “they don’t care about you, they just want to know what’s in your pants.” While admittedly boring and telling about the human race, even that curiosity should be enough to get the conversational ball rolling because common sense tells you…woo the girl…get the goods. It’s really a pretty simple concept. If you want to fuck me, ask a fucking question.
So what is it, men? Where have all the conversations gone?
Vancouver Dating Blog: Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One “Something” at a Time