Waiting for Him to Text: Patience is a Virtue I Never Learned

Dating

Something She Said

Stories about sex and dating, screenshots of sexist online dating messages, murder jokes, elaborately long fruit puns–you never quite know what you’re going to get.

So I know I said in the last blog entry that I wasn’t going to bore you with all the texts in the *SPOILER ALERT* 3 weeks until my second date with the Garbage Man, “Il Garbarino”, “El Garbago Novio”* but I lied lol!  No, but seriously, if I don’t explain the play by play, things won’t make sense in later blogs so here we go (you may want to get yourself out a calendar to follow along with this):

Saturday 01.30.10
First Date

Sunday 01.31.10
He texts (great time)
I text back (great time right back)

Wednesday 02.03.10
I text (How’s things?)
He texts back (Good but I’m getting sick)
I call (no answer but I swear…I was breezy!)
He texts (Sorry I was sleeping aka getting rest, maybe we can hang out on friday?  Let you know how I feel)

Monday 02.08.10 (one week has passed since first date)
He texts (Yyygjalkdfakljdshfsdd8**&^&^#^&(#hjdkajfsdjhfl&a#$#I+=S)
I text back (Are you sitting on your phone? because I just got the weirdest message from you)
He texts (No lol! Telus doesn’t play well with other phone carriers, I’ll resend)
He texts (Hi SSD, It hurts to talk, I’m back at Dr. not feeling any better.  Hope your enjoying sunshine ttyl.)
Sidebar:  Let’s take a moment to notice the updating ability…good job GMan 😛
He texts (sexy banter)
I text (sexy banter)

Wednesday 02.10.10
He texts (Hey SSD, are you wanting to get together Friday?  Maybe you can come over to my place, that would be nice, Hopefully I’ll be feeling 100%)
I text back (Do you think it’s likely you’ll be feeling better by friday?)
He texts (Ah yes, I fogot that I need to book some time to hang out with you! lol.  Do you have other plans?)
I text back (lol! that’s so hilarious because it’s true lol-I’m just finishing an assignment, can I call u in ten min?)
He texts (you need to make an appointment to speak with me lol!  Yes I believe I am available at that time and will be expecting your call :P)
I call (the gist is I’m like “is it likely you’ll feel better?” and note that this is very bizarre to me…I mean either you know you’ll be better or you won’t…it’s only like a day and a half till we would be hanging out???  His response is basically “I’d really like to hang out, I’m hoping/thinking I’ll be better, but can we still play it by ear?”) LAME! and yet I agree lol!

Friday 02.12.10
I text (Hey Cutie!  How’s my favorite patient?)
He texts (Just at Dr.’s again)
I text (Because you’re still feeling crap? or to get the go-ahead aka not contagious?)
Crickets Chirp
I text (You still at the Dr.?)
Lonely Mountainous Echo
The Sprint Pin Can Be Heard Dropping
Children in Panama are telling the story of the lady who went spontaneously deaf (except that it’s so quiet I can actually hear them telling the story)

Saturday 02.13.10 (Two weeks have passed since first date)
He texts (Sorry fell asleep after I got home.  I ttyl when I feel better.)  Are you fucking kidding me???!?!?!?!  TheHell informs me that apparently boys are COMPLETE FUCKING BABIES when it comes to being sick AND reiterates what I already knew…that boys think “falling asleep” is some sort of valid excuse wtf? are you retarded…set a fucking alarm!?!?!
I eventually text back that evening (Sure.  Feel better DOUCHEBAG!!! okay so I just thought this last part)

Wednesday 02.17.10
I call [because I’m bored, because I like things settled one way or another, because I’m a fucking lunatic, because I lack any ability to demonstrate patience] (phone rings…hello? (then I say hello?) then phone just starts ringing again and then goes to voicemail…and I’m like wtf??? STUPID FUCKING TELUS!!! STUPID FUCKING CELL PHONES!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK wtf do I do now (and not end up looking schizo?) I attempt to leave a breezy message about seeing if he’s feeling any better, has he died etc.? and if he is feeling better maybe we could kick it that Friday or Saturday?
I call again lol! (I tell him Telus is officially screwing my phone big time and it’s now completely unreliable not just texts and if he does want to hang out to just message me on POF)…BREEZY!!! lol okay so this wasn’t exactly breezy but I will reassure you that at the very least it was breezier than how it sounds now reading it back lol!

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Time ticks by like I threw molasses on the clock.  It’s moving so slow, I could throw a ball in the air, run to the kitchen, make a sandwich, eat it and come back in time to catch the ball.  Can you die from impatience???  Sidebar:  Remember at this point in time, I don’t know that a 2nd date will ever actually occur.

To Be Continued….

*P Sizzle…these names are jokes – I looked up the real translations for Garbage Man but they weren’t nearly as interesting or recognizable

*Dating Vancouver a Better Place, One Something at a Time*
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Victoria Young

Writer. Dater. Masturbator. Don't worry my parents don't think I'm funny either. Grad Student. My breasts aren't ashamed of me either. You and me kid, we're going to change this world.

3 Comments

  1. brittany

    June 1, 2015 at 4:24 am

    i need to this be continued…

  2. Mechell

    August 11, 2015 at 6:29 am

    Agree with Brittany! We need to know what happened next. Wait lemme guess: he was so sick, he actually checked himself in to an exclusive Ayurvedic allergy treatment clinic in the Nepalese mountains, never to be heard from or seen again??

    Yep, pretty sure that’s where this guy went. Not your fault, this is what they do. The ole cat and string game. It sucks. Make matters worse, he probably wasn’t even that cute!! You have to be the one who cares the least! THEN, they’re interested in you!

    Source: I dated the rest of the guys on the planet who also disappeared to that Nepalese institute.

  3. mia

    April 12, 2016 at 8:45 am

    He basically just threw the towel on you. Cant believe u spammed called tho lol