The “Somethings” She Dated

The “Somethings”

Stick ManIn a current senseBut on goodish termsI can't believe I went out with him

Below is a quick description of all the symbols used here to designate the current status of all relationships with the “Somethings” I’ve dated (or am dating) (or regret my existence because of).

Stick ManA “Something”.    This symbol just designates that this person is a “Something”.  Seems a bit redundant now but you never know what the future holds and the differentiation may be important, who knows.  Plus who doesn’t like stick figures and pink.  Nuff said.

 

 

 

In a current senseCurrently Dating.    This symbol is my favorite.  That should probably be obvious. Becase, after all, it means that me and my “Something” are still currently dating and I wouldn’t be dating someone if I didn’t like them.  Okay.  Actually.  That’s not necessarily statistically true.  But I’m trying not to date anyone who doesn’t have me swooning.  Cut me some slack.  I’m only human.  A mistake making human.  But ya know…yay!! dating!!

 

 

But on goodish termsIt’s over.    Ok.  So things ended.  But generally speaking, me and the “Something” ended on goodish terms.  And I know what you’re thinking, what is “good-ish?”  Well.  It’s anything from the we still keep in touch of Top Secret and I, to the I really enjoyed my time but we were never meant to be and though my ego got bruised we’re all kosher now and even facebook buddies of Trucker Joe and I, to the I don’t know why it ended, and we no longer communicate but there’s no anger or sadness or anything of Come Back Charlie (and Garbage Man, etc.) and I.

 

 

I can't believe I went out with himHead fucking Desk.    This designates any situation that can be summed up with What the fucking fuck was I thinking?!?!  Maybe the date was so awful that it caused me to regret my own existence (much like a trip to Costco, on a Saturday).  Maybe they lied about everything on their dating profile.  Maybe they were just a dick and I don’t know how I missed it.  Regardless.  Head desk.  Head desk hard.

 

 

 

In the rare occurrence that the Head Desk follows the It’s Over, you can assume that things ended amicably but then they did something that made me cease contact (like being a fucking dick).

 

The “Somethings”

Stick ManIn a current senseBut on goodish terms

Aliases:   The Comic
Age:   28
Height:   5’10
Profession:   Comedian
Education:  BA
Crimes:   N/A
Met:   Twitter
Dates:   Two
Posts about The Comic: *coming soon*
Posts that reference The Comic: *coming soon*

 

Stick ManIn a current senseBut on goodish terms
Aliases:   France
Age:   30
Height:   6’0
Profession:   Personal Trainer (ex-football player)
Education:  Some University
Crimes:   N/A
Met:   Plentyoffish.com
Dates:   Four
Posts about France: *coming soon*
Posts that reference France: *coming soon*

 

Stick ManBut on goodish terms
Aliases:   Top Secret
Age:   x—————x
Height:   x—————x
Profession:   x—————x
Education:   x—————x
Crimes:   x—————x
Met:   x—————x
Dates:   Three
Posts about Top Secret: *coming soon*
Posts that reference Top Secret: *coming soon*

 

Stick ManBut on goodish terms
Aliases:   Come Back Charlie
Age:   30
Height:   6’4
Profession:   Lab Tech/Studying criminology to join VPD
Education:   BSc.
Crimes:   Not liking me? Bird Seed? None?
Met:   Plentyoffish.com
Dates:   Two
Posts about Come Back Charlie: *coming soon*
Posts that reference Come Back Charlie: *coming soon*

 

Stick Man I can't believe I went out with him
Aliases:   The Mess
Age:   38 (claimed), 41 (verified)
Height:   5’11
Profession:   Government – Waste Disposal Systems
Education:   Claimed to have completed everything but thesis for his MSc (likely story!)
Crimes:   Liar liar pants on fire, being a ridiculous mess
Met:   Plentyoffish.com
Dates:   One
Posts about The Mess: *coming soon*
Posts that reference The Mess: *coming soon*

 

 Stick ManI can't believe I went out with him
Aliases:   Cry Baby Romeo
Age:   26
Height:  5’10
Profession:   Actor
Education:   Unknown
Crimes:   Cell phone usage on dates, being boring and negative, sucking at sex!
Met:   Plentyoffish.com
Dates:   Two
Posts about Cry Baby Romeo: *coming soon*
Posts that reference Cry Baby Romeo: *coming soon*

Stick ManI can't believe I went out with him

Aliases:   ThePhD
Age:   37
Height:   6’0
Profession:   Researcher/Academic
Education:   PhD. Ecology and Statistics
Crimes:   Fraudulent flirting, disfunctional familying, the Fade
Met:   Plentyoffish.com
Dates:   One
Posts about The PhD: *coming soon*
Posts that reference The PhD: *coming soon*

 

Stick ManBut on goodish termsI can't believe I went out with him
Aliases:   TheNickName
Age:   38
Height:   6’0
Profession:   Salesman (Industrial Equipment)
Education:   Unknown
Crimes:   Throwing of Bird Seed (and/or total retardation)
Met:   Plentyoffish.com
Dates:   Two
Posts about The Nickname:   *coming soon*
Posts that reference The Nickname:   *coming soon*

 

Stick ManI can't believe I went out with him
Aliases:   Lindsay’s Law
Age:   26
Height:   5’11 (claimed), 5’9 (verified)
Profession:   Excavator
Education:   Unknown
Crimes:   Total Retardation
Met:   Plentyoffish.com
Dates:   One
Posts about Linday’s Law:   *coming soon*
Posts that reference Lindsay’s Law:   *coming soon*

 

 Stick ManBut on goodish terms
Aliases:   Trucker Joe
Age:   39
Height:   6’0
Profession:   Fuel Truck Driver
Education:   Unknown
Crimes:   None really, except maybe the needing to be in love for sex
Met:   Plentyoffish.com
Dates:   Eight
Posts about Trucker Joe:   *coming soon*
Posts that reference Trucker Joe:   *coming soon*

 

Stick ManI can't believe I went out with him
Aliases:   Twitter Guy
Age:   33
Height:    6’1
Profession:   HR
Education:   Unknown
Crimes:   Being a Douche, world’s smallest penis
Met:   Through Twitter/Blog
Dates:   One
Posts about Twitter Guy:   *coming soon*
Posts that reference Twitter Guy:   *coming soon*

 

Stick ManBut on goodish termsI can't believe I went out with him
Aliases:   Intelligence Officer
Age:   30
Height:   5’9
Profession:   Military, Fitness Trainer
Education:   Unknown
Crimes:   Not having own place, lack of ingenuity in procuring place
Met:   Plentyoffish.com
Dates:   One
Posts about Intelligence Officer:   *coming soon*
Posts that reference Intelligence Officer:   *coming soon*

 

 Stick ManI can't believe I went out with him
Aliases:   Tedski, Tederino, TEDanese
Age:   37
Height:   5’10 (claimed), 5’7 (verified)
Profession:   Landscaper
Education:   Unknown
Crimes:   Dishonesty (re: height and smoking), misrepresentation and fraudulent sense of humor
Met:   Plentyoffish.com
Dates:   One
Posts about Tedski:   *coming soon*
Posts that reference Tedski:   *coming soon*

 

Stick ManBut on goodish termsI can't believe I went out with him
Aliases:   Garbage Man, Houdini
Age:   32
Height:   6’2
Profession:   Garbage Man by day and time waster by night
Education:   Actual (some college), Metaphorical (little to none)
Crimes:   Meat Talk, Jogging Pants, Time Wasting, Misrepresentation, general retardation, dating while busy
Met:  Plentyoffish.com
Dates:   Two
Posts about Garbage Man:   *coming soon*
Posts that reference Garbage Man:   *coming soon*

 

Stick ManI can't believe I went out with him
Alias(es):   Barbie
Age:   26
Height:   6’2
Profession:   Bartender
Education:   Not Fucking Possible
Crimes:   Time wasting, general retardation
Met:   Plentyoffish.com
Dates:   One Psuedo Date (read: We hung out in my car)
Posts about Barbie:   *coming soon*
Posts that reference Barbie:   *coming soon*