I thought about having a soft lead in, something about how lucky you are to have found someone you want to spend your life with and how wonderful that all is but let’s cut the shit and just get to it.
You are not entitled to a fairy tale wedding. Ladies, this is not “your” big day.
First off, it doesn’t even make any sense that it would be. It would make more sense to wear an outrageously expensive dress, force your friends to wear bullshit matching draperies, and create an entire-day-party centered around your privileged ass for say a 30th birthday celebration or some such you centred activity.
But here’s the thing, a wedding (and a marriage), are not about just you. They’re about committing to a lifetime together, they’re about being in love and thinking to yourself that could spend the next 30-80 years with this person by your side and never
even consider acting on your desire to kill them.
Because let me tell you sunshine, they’re going to be there, by your side, in your house, snoring in the bed, spilling popcorn on the couch, telling you jokes that aren’t that funny, presenting you with bodily afflictions that are disgusting, pouring all their worries and sorrows down over your head and hoping they don’t pile up too deep around your feet. Marriage is a long hard road, kiddo. And sure, there’s the great stuff too like all the love and happiness and joy-filled-memories that you’ll make but nonetheless, marriage is a tough go (hence the statistics on divorce).
So are you sure you want to start on that journey with a big bill strapped to your back and an empty bank account? Wouldn’t it be smarter to spend that money on a down-payment for a house? Paying off your student loan? Or even spreading it out over the next 10 years so that you and your chosen one can take a vacation once a year in those first ten years (which I assure you, you will need)? Or perhaps even just keeping a nest egg so that you don’t spend the next 40 years in constant and perpetual fear that you or your spouse will lose their job and you’ll become buried under debt?
But even if I can’t convince you that the money would be better spent elsewhere, allow me to reiterate the big point here (because the money/debt dynamic is just a symptom): You are not Queen for a Day, you are not entitled to anything.
I don’t know what to tell you princess, but that way of thinking that you are entitled to anything really, is what makes you a big part of what’s wrong with this world.
I don’t know if you know this, but there are children whose entire lives are filled with a collection of single days more miserable than the next. Days that would break you. Days that you wouldn’t survive. And then they die and that’s all they had. Now I’m not suggesting that you should simply lay down your head and cry for the rest of your life over the misery of others or even that it is your obligation to save the world but it wouldn’t hurt to show a little awareness and humility in your life.
Weddings are not about showcasing how beautiful you are or how lavish a party you can throw for your friends and family. A wedding is a declaration of commitment in front of witnesses. That’s it.
I recently read an article by Sean Parker in defense of his elaborate wedding and he (and his wife) definitely have some bullshit entitlement going on. He presents the case that richies don’t get out of fines etc. just because they’re rich but he misses a key component of the argument which is the fact that richies can of course pay the fines easily and carry on their merry-entitled-way to the wedding of their fantastical dreams. And while people have a right to spend the money that they’ve “earned”, feeling entitled to do so (and still be beloved by the world) is a whole other level of obliviousness and entitlement.
Do you know why people love Kristen and that guy (adorable sloth meltdowns aside). One very key reason is the fact that they’re waiting to get married. Waiting for what you ask? Waiting for equal rights. They’re choosing not to get married until gay marriage is legal in every state. Now THAT’s a dream worth fighting for.
Having your “high fantasy” dream wedding in a Redwood forest though, not so much. I’m not a proponent of living a life of chosen poverty in order to give all money away to others but there’s a lot to be said for an awareness of the state of this world and being shocked by media backlash over your bullshit entitled richie wedding does not convey said awareness.
Here’s the sum up Bridezilla Princesses (and Groomzilla Princes), and Sean Parkers of the world: Yes, if you can get your hands on the money you can spend it however you like but don’t be surprised when the world sees you as a blight on humanity. This is your trade off so make your choice wisely (and while choosing, remember that most people hate weddings).
And if you don’t believe me, ask yourself why there are so many “reality” TV shows like The Bachelor, Bridezillas and Say Yes to the Dress. Reality TV is used to mock not celebrate. The people on these shows are a joke, do you really want to be just like them?
Do you regret your lavish wedding? How much did you spend? What would you do the same, what would you do different?